A Pack of Irish Drinking Stories, Irish Blessings and Irish Proverbs

For your edification and enjoyment, may I present to you another pack of Irish drinking stories, Irish blessings and Irish proverbs:

Paddy was trapped in a bog and thought himself to be a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly happened to wander by.

“Help! Help me!” Paddy yelled, “Oi’m sinking!”

“Don’t you worry yourself, Paddy,” said Mick assuredly. “Next to the Strong Man Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest lad in Erin, I am. Oi’ll pull ye right out of that mess, I will.”

With that, Big Mick leaned over grabbing Paddy’s hand and he pulled and he pulled, but to no avail.

Two more times, Big Mick pulled, but still no luck. After the last attempt, Mick said to Paddy, “Sure, but Oi cannot do it, Paddy. The Strong Man Muldoon could do it alone, maybe, but Oi’ll have to go get us some help.”

As Mick was preparing to leave to get help, Paddy called out, “Mick! Mick! Do ye think it would help if Oi pulled me feet out of the stirrups?”

*****

It s no use carrying an umbrella if your shoes are leaking

*****

Leprechauns, castles
good luck and laughter,
lullabies, dreams
and love ever after.
Poems and songs
with pipes and drums,
a thousand welcomes
when anyone comes…
That’s the Irish for you!

*****

This transcript of official Court testimony reportedly occurred in County Cork court, deep in Munster, Ireland:

Said the court Solicitor, “Now, if you please, Mr. O’Flaherty, at the scene of the accident, did you tell the Garda officer that you had never felt better in your life?”

O’Flaherty, a farmer, replied, “That’s correct, sir. Yes, I did.”

The Solicitor then asked, “Well, Mr. O’Flaherty, would you please tell the court how can it be that you are now claiming to be seriously injured when my client’s car hit your cart?”

O’Flaherty replied, “When the Garda arrived, he walked over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him without even a how do you do.”

“Then he walked over to Darcy, my dear dog, my lifelong companion, who was also quite badly hurt, and shot him.”

“So, when the Garda asked me how I felt, under the circumstances, I thought that it was a wise choice of words to say I’d never felt better in me life.”

*****

The best way to keep loyalty in a man’s heart is to keep money in his purse.

*****

A group of hunters, out on holiday, were driving along searching for a place to hunt, when they pulled their vehicle into a farmer’s yard in County Waterford, Munster, Ireland. Sean, the driver, approached the farmhouse to ask the farmer for his permission to hunt on his land.

The owner, an old farmer, said, “Sure you can hunt, but would you be doing me a favor, sir? My old donkey standing over there is 20 years old now. She is deathly sick with cancer, but I just don’t have the heart to kill her meself. Would you do it for me?”

Sean answered, “Of course I will.”

While returning to the car, however, Sean decided to play a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the car and said nothing.

Naturally, his buddies anxiously asked if the farmer had given his permission to hunt.

Sean said, “No, that old farmer said we can’t hunt here. So I’m going to teach that old man a lesson he won’t forget.”

With that, Sean lowered the window on his side of the car, pointed his gun out the window and shot the donkey. Then he shouted, “To be sure, that will teach the old timer.”

At that moment a second shot rang out from the passenger side of the vehicle and one of his hunting mates yelled, “And me, begorra, I got the cow.”

*****

Walls for the wind,
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks beside the fire.
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire!

*****

Since it is Christmas, a fitting video is “O Holy Night” sung by Celtic Woman:

More Irish humor, proverbs and blessings
More Celtic Woman

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About McCafferty Himself

The good Lord created only two kinds of people in the world: those who are Irish and those who wish they were.

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