There is nothing that will make you so popular as re-telling some of our Irish drinking stories:
Father O’Malley, an Irish priest, and Rabbi Levine are involved in a car accident. As they both exit their cars and wobble toward the side of the road. Rabbi Levine says, “Oy vey! What a wreck!”
Father O’Malley asks him, “Are you all right, Rabbi?”
Rabbi Levine replies, “Yes. I am just shaken a little is all.”
The father withdraws a flask of whiskey from his coat saying, “Here, Rabbi. Drink some of this. It will calm your nerves.”
The Rabbi gratefully accepts the flask, drinking it down while saying, “Well, what are we going to tell the police?”
“Well,” Father O’Malley replies, “I don’t know what you’re apt to be telling them. But I’ll be telling them I wasn’t the one drinking.”
As an Irish priest is driving into New York, he is stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then spies an empty wine bottle on the floor in the front seat of the car.
The trooper says, “Tell me, Father, have you been drinking?”
“Just a bit ‘o water,” says the priest.
The trooper replies, “If that is true, then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
“Excuse me,” said the bartender, who was puzzled over what Fogarty had done. “Whatever was that all about?”
“Oh, nothing,” said the Irishman. “My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”
An Old Irish Blessing:
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.