Another Batch of Irish Drinking Stories and Irish Blessings

Yet again we are providing a few more Irish drinking stories and blessings.

Smoking Leprechaun

As an elderly couple were driving through County Kerry, Ireland, they were pulled over by the police. Eileen, who was driving, rolled down her window as the police officer approached and asked, “Ma’am, did you know that you were speeding?”

Eileen turned to her husband, Paddy, and asked, “What did he say?”

Knowing his wife was hard of hearing, Paddy shouted into her ear, “He said you were speeding!”

The officer said, “May I see your license, please?”

Eileen, once again turned to her husband, Paddy, and said, “What did he say?”

Again, Paddy shouted, “He wants to see your license!”

As Eileen handed her license to the police officer, he said, “I see that you are from Cork. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had.”

Again, Eileen turned to Paddy asking, “What did he say?”

Paddy shouted quite loudly, “He thinks he knows you!”

*****

As Michael and Sean were walking home after a night at the pub, Michael turned and said to Sean, “What an incredible night, just look at that beautiful moon.”

Sean stopped dead in his tracks, looked at Michael and said, “You are wrong, Michael. That’s not the moon, that’s the sun.”

They both stood there arguing until a drunk approached from the other direction. They stopped him and asked, “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? What is that up in the sky. Is it the sun or the moon?”

The drunk looked up toward the sky. Then he turned toward them, and said, “Sorry, I don’t live around here.”

*****

O’Brien aspired to be an accountant, so he went down to take the Irish accountancy exam.

The examiner asked him, “If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have in all?”

O’Brien replied, “five.”

The examiner answered, “Five? No, now listen to me carefully once again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?”

Again O‘Brien replied, “five.”

The examiner was beginning to get flustered, so he said, “Let’s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer do you have?”

“Four,” answered O’Brien.

“Good!” said the examiner. “Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have in all?”

Again O‘Brien replied, “five.”

Exasperated, the examiner pleaded, “How on earth do you figure that two lots of two rabbits equals five?”

Said O‘Brien, “I already have one rabbit at home.”

*****

And another Irish blessing:

May your heart be light and happy,
May your smile be big and wide,
And may your pockets always have
a coin or two inside!

More Irish humor

More Drunk Humor

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