Ah! Today we have an overabundance of funny Irish drinking Stories, heart warming Irish Blessings and insightful Irish proverbs, to be sure! Some of these are favorites of mine, so, hopefully, they will be favorites of yours. Peruse at your leisure.
Michael Harrington was at his weekly session in the office of his psychologist, Dr. O’Phelen. Michael said to his doctor, “Dr. O’Phelen, We had a family gathering last week end at my mother-in-law’s home, who, as I have told you before, makes a terrible pest of herself with her controlling behavior by butting into my marriage. I believe that I made a terrible Freudian slip while speaking to her.”
Dr. O’Phelen replied, “Well, it couldn’t have been that bad. What did you say to her?”
“Well,” replied Michael, “I had intended to say, ‘could you please pass the butter?’ But instead I said, ‘You silly cow! You have completely ruined my life.’”
May you be poor in misfortune,
rich in blessings,
slow to make enemies,
quick to make friends.
But rich or poor, quick or slow,
may you know nothing but happiness
from this day forward.
A true Irishman cries at sad movies, but cheers in battle.
Kenny Sheehan is sitting in the pub, just looking at his drink. He doesn’t take so much as a sip of it, but, instead, he simply sits there staring at his drink for over an hour.
Big Mick Muldoon, who is six-foot-four and the village’s local trouble-maker has been watching ol’ Kenny for some time. Muldoon walks over to Kenny, takes Kenny’s drink and downs it in a single gulp.
Poor Kenny begins crying, so Big Muldoon says, “Aw, C’mon Kenny, I was only joking. Let me buy you another drink. I just hate to see an Irishman cry.”
“No, it’s not that, Muldoon. It’s just that this is the worst day of me life, and nothing has gone right for me this whole day. First, I’m late for work, I am, and for the umpteenth time to boot! So my boss…well, he finally fires me, he does.
“As I leave work to go to my car, it’s not where I parked it and I learn it’s been stolen. Ol’ Officer Billy Burns tells me there is little or nothing he can do about it, ye see.
“So I hail a cab to go home, but, as the cabbie drives off, I realize I left my wallet and credit cards inside the cab, I did.
“Discouraged and dejected, I drag meself inside me house. But when I get inside, I find me wife is in bed with our gardener. Oh, that woman broke me heart, she did.
“After that, I just had to get out of the house, so I walk down to the pub. As I’m sitting here thinking about ending me life, you show up and drink me poison.”
May brooks and trees and singing hills
Join in the chorus too,
And every gentle wind that blows
Send happiness to you.
An Irishman considers funerals a festivity but weddings sad events to be put off as long as possible, preferably forever.
Patrick McMahon and Michael O’Shea bumped into each other on St. Stephen Green on the streets of Dublin, Ireland. Said O’Shea to McMahon, “Have ye seen ol’ Fogarty lately, Pat?”
Pat replied, “Well, I have, and then again I haven’t.”
O’Shea then asked, “Well, tell me now, McMahon, and what d’ye mean by that, ye have and then again ye haven‘t?”
“Well, Mick,” replied Patrick McMahon. “It’s like this. Ye see…I saw a chap who at first I thought was Fogarty. Then he saw a chap that he thought was me.”
“But, when we got up ta one another…it wasn’t neither of us.”
May your home be filled with laughter
May your pockets be filled with gold
And may you have all the happiness
Your Irish heart can hold.
Regardless of your heritage, your politics or your ethnicity, how can you not appreciate Celtic Woman? Here they are singing “Ave Maria.”