Redneck Fire-breathing Dragon – Video

“9-1-1 operator! What is your Emergency?”

‘Yes, My name is Steve, and I want to report dragon.”

“A Dragon?”

“Yes, ma’am. Dragon. Blue fire-breathing dragon. I just saw it over on Main Street, not 5 minutes ago. It was breathing fire all over place.”

Fire-breathing Dragons

“Sir, this is 9-1-1 Emergency, and it is illegal to call 9-1-1 with prankster calls…”

“This is no prankster, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. This is Steve! My American name is Steve. I am studying to become US citizen, and I am not calling about prankster. I am from India. My Indian name is Pratepp Patel, but I like to use my American name. My American name is Steve.”

“I am telling you, 9-1-1 Emergency operator! I saw real, live, dragon…that was breathing fire. It was over on Main Street…right in middle of street. It was long and shiny, and it was blue!”

“Well, Steve. We’re right smack dab in the middle of Arkansas, and do you know what? We don’t have any dat-burn dragons here in Arkansas. Fact of the matter is, I don’t believe that there are any dragons on planet earth. Now we are very busy still working on the flooded areas, so a dragon call just is not high on our priority list. So what planet are you from anyway…Steve?”

“Oh, yes! 9-1-1 Emergency operator! There are dragons. They have dragons in Indonesia. Komodo dragons. But they are only 8-9 feet long and they don’t breathe fire. And I know the floods are a problem. I am calling from 4th Street. It’s still under water over here.”

“Kimono dragons? Now that sounds Japanese, Steve. And, 8-9 feet long! Steve, how big was that dragon that you say you saw?”

“It was at least 20 feet long. Maybe 25 feet. It was huge and blue and shiny. And it was breathing fire…I think.”

“You think! Well now, see here Steve! Was it breathing fire or was it not breathing fire?

“Fire was coming out of it, but I couldn’t tell which end was front. It might have fire coming out of butt.”

“Okay, Steve! If you’re sure that they have kimono dragons in Indonesia, maybe some tourist brought a pet back and it grew a mite. I’ll write it up. Let’s see…25 foot long, shiny blue dragon breathing fire out of butt…er, its butt…over on Main Street. Is that about right, Steve?”

“Yes, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. That’s right! Big blue dragon breathing fire out of butt. That’s it.”

“Okay, Steve. We’ll send a patrol car over your way. Now, Y’all keep an eye peeled and let us know if it moves anywhere else.”

*****


“Dispatch, This is car 54. Warrant and wants on plate hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra.”

“Car 54, this is dispatch. Warrant and wants on hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra negative. Prior moving violations: May, 2008 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. November, 2007 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. February, 2007 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle.”

“Car 5-4, it sounds like you have apprehended our feared Japanese kimono dragon. Over.”

“Roger that, dispatch. We witnessed said dragon spewing dangerous flammable liquid all over a 2006 Lexus SUV. That definitely riled up the SUV owner who took after our dragon owner with a revolver. We’re going to need back up, a wagon for the apprehended offenders and tow trucks to remove said dragon and burnt Lexus.”

“Dispatch, it seems that our dragon driver is a retired fireman who gets a mite riled when other drivers tailgate him. That’s why he rigged his vehicle to breathe fire on offending vehicles. Over.”

“Car 5-4. The citizens of Arkansas can rest easy now that our dreaded kimono dragon has been apprehended. Back up and wagon on the way 5-4. Over.”

“Roger that, Dispatch. Over and out.”

Dragon with the Fire-breathing Butt follows:

There you have it. A dangerous kimono dragon has been removed from the streets. Thus the avenues and boulevards of Arkansas are safe once again. But who knows what other evil lurks in the minds of rednecks everywhere? Beware!

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