A concept like this will change lives! Plus it is right up my alley because I am Irish after all. Everyone knows that the Irish possess an inveterate propensity for drinking to excess.
“Have you always wanted to learn another language but been too drunk to bother?” Well…Duh! Ja wohl mein herr. Why else would I be monolingual after all these years? It certainly wasn’t by choice. Being bilingual is almost mandatory to make it in the world today. I truly feel left out in my current condition.
“…absorb large amounts of new information quickly…by directly accessing your DRUNKEN MIND.” Finally, my drunken mind becomes an asset rather than a liability.
Eins, Zwei, Drei. One, two, three. “Du Kannst Deutsch speaken!” You can speaken German! It’s really that easy–as easy as one, two, three.
I have often longed to access my drunken mind to learn where I left my car keys, for example, where I left my car or even where and why I left my girl friend. So far my drunken mind has refused to cooperate, and my girl friend will be so mad.
Now this ad promises that I will be able to access my drunken mind to learn to speak German. Oh mein Gott im Himmel. If this is really true, it will truly change things for many of us including college students. Move over Harvard and Yale because the party colleges are movin’ on up.
The University of Georgia at Athens, Penn State and the University of Florida, which have been the nation’s top party colleges will become the new college meccas for both academic standings as well as the top party schools. Kids drink at all colleges, but it is well-known that party schools start bingeing on Thursday night and generally drink until Monday morning. Think of all the time when your drunken mind will be sopping up all that knowledge while you party non-stop.
Being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) will become a badge of honor because AA members will soon be intellectuals as well. If your dad owns a liquor store, you will be Mr. Popularity in high school. The pecking order will change world-wide, and three martini lunches will become the norm.
I never thought I would live to see this day. Now if we could only do something about the hangover.
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