Category Archives: funniest

Get fit with the Goose Step Master

This is an updating of a post previously published 7/16/2011.

Ah, mein herr! Remember all of those infomercials you have seen on late night and weekend TV coaxing you to buy this or that device to tone up your body? The ab this or that or the thigh buster, master or whatever?

Well, forget them all because The Goose Step Master has arrived on the scene just in the nick of time to help you hone your body so you can become the perfect you.

“As Seen in the War!”

Ever watch videos of World War II to see the German or Russian soldiers goose step down the promenade?

Eine, Zwei, Drei, Vier!—One, Two, Three, Four!

You must be in good shape to keep up with those Nazi soldiers or their Russian counterparts as they flawlessly goose step down the avenue. You won’t see any slackers doing the goose step, that’s for sure. Naturally you neither admire nor share the Nazi philosophy, but you certainly must respect the German soldiers’ physical ability to goose step down the promenade with nary a misstep.

You must be in excellent physical shape to march so vigorously for long uninterrupted periods.

“Be as Fit as the Nazi SS”

Now you can be as fit as the dreaded Nazi Waffen SS soldiers with our patented Goose Step Master. Order our Goose Step Master now and we will include a free workout video showing how those Nasty Nazis learned to master the goose step.

The Germans may not have won the war, but they certainly were losers who were in the best of shape. Perhaps they’ll do better in World War III?

Yes! You can get as fit as the Luftwaffe in the privacy of your own home. For a limited time, if you are one of the first 3.9  million to order, you will also receive a CD of the inspirational “Luftwaffe March.” If ever there was a song to go off to war to, it was the “Luftwaffe March.”

Our double action, calorie bursting, thigh thinning Goose Step Master can be used in the tranquil quietude  of your own peaceful abode. No more noisy athletic clubs with exorbitant monthly fees for you. No more hurrying to the gym after work. Use the butt busting Goose Step Master whenever and whereever you want.

Click the play button on the following podcast to listen to the inspirational Luftwaffe March as you read more about our Goosestep Master.

 

Free autographed photo of Sergeant Schultz

Now, for only the first 15.6 million responses, we will include a free autographed photo of the notorious but lovable Sergeant Schultz, as seen on the popular Hogan’s Heroes TV show.

“I know nothing!”

Sergeant Schultz was one of the most popular Nazis of all time, either before or after the war.

Have you ever noticed that Schultz’s initials were S.S. (Sergeant Schultz) as in Nazi Waffen SS? Coincidence? We don’t think so.

Not $599

Not $399

If you order our patented Goosestep Master now without delay you won’t pay $599…you won’t pay $399. Order right now and the patented Goosestep Master is yours for only 99 weekly payments of just $17.99, plus a modest shipping and handling fee of $99.98. 

You will also receive at no extra cost to you our very own Goosestep Master workout video, which displays workout secrets of Nazi Stormtroopers among many others.  Don’t forget that we will also include a CD of the inspirational “Luftwaffe March” for the first 3.9 million orders received.

If that isn’t enough remember that the first 15.6 million responses will also receive signed photos of the affable Sergeant Schultz from the Hogan’s Heroes TV series at no extra cost to you. That means it’s free ladies and gents.

Order now…order today…order quickly without delay…and we will send you our patented Goosestep Master via overnight delivery for a mere additional special handling fee of $49.99. That means you could be working out on you very own patented Goosestep Master in the quiet confines of your own home by this time tomorrow.

Now is the time to avoid buyer’s remorse before all of our 98 million patented Goosestep Masters are sold, so hurry and order today to prevent possible future disappointment!

Special One Time Offer!

Because we still have a few Goose Step Masters remaining in stock (specifically 97,999,998 of ’em as of January, 2014) we are now offering three Goose Step Masters for the price of two. That’s right ladies and gents, buy two Goose Step Masters for the regular price and get a third Goose Step Master FREE!

Wow! Be sure to order as soon as possible before the rest of our 97.999 million Goose Step Masters are gone. Order yours today!

Offer is void in Pierre, South Dakota, or wherever sales of Nazi memorabilia is prohibited.

“Drunk” Baby Trashes Bar – Video

A baby who appears to have had too many margaritas trashes a make believe bar in Las Palmas. Behaving like so many other out of control drunks, the baby steals food and drink from another patron’s table and falls down drunk smashing a chair and a table in the process.

The “bar” is really a tiny size set for a movie, and the “patrons” are actually puppets on a string. Our video is really a trailer for an upcoming short film, Las Palmas.

The baby is real however, and the film is the brainstorm of Johannes Nyholm, who is a 37-year-old Swedish director with a lot of imagination. His other shorts can be found at http://www.youtube.com/user/johannesnyholm#p/a/u/2/yedD4JsZyT0.

This imaginative video has quickly gone viral on YouTube with about 7 million views.

 

Baby Twins Talk in Funny, Animated Conversation – Viral Video

Two baby twins are caught in the act of conversing with each other in a pleasantly animated fashion. It is hard to believe that these two do not understand at least some of what they are saying to each other.

Make no mistake about it, each is intent upon conversing with the other twin. Their arm and foot gestures are so believable that this vid has gone viral in a very short amount of time with over 23 million views in less than three months.

Well, those two certainly convinced me. I am not sure what point they were trying to make, but I believe that they believe it.

Texting Girl at Mall Falls into Fountain

A young girl at the mall walks about oblivious to everything as she is texting that very important message, probably to her BFF. Unknown to her a water filled fountain lurks ahead, and, yes you are so right, she plops straight into the drink.

This vid is so very funny. You cannot miss it:

The good news for our young friend is that once she is old enough to drive, she will be texting in her car instead of at the mall. At least then she will not get wet when she texts; she will merely kill and maim others by ramming her car into them. (Only wish I was kidding)

Clearly the security guards at the mall have some of the best jobs out there when they get to watch some of us do some of the dumbest things.

Drunk Santa Like You’ve Never Seeen Him Before – Video

I know what you are going to say about this video. You are going to say it’s a fake, which is what I thought when I first saw Santa walking as though inebriated.

However, when ole Santa takes a header into the parked car, that made me wonder and at least appreciate the quality if it is a fake. There are not that many folks who can fake a header like that.

Plus the German Herald online newspaper states that the video is genuine.

In any event, the vid is entertaining and has already gone viral with well over 300,000 views in just a few days.

The vid was shot at a parking ramp in Berlin, Germany, where we all know the Santas like their beer. The staff at the ramp posted the inebriated Santa on the Internet according to the German Herald.

The German Herald states that the garage owner told the local media the man was later seen boarding a bus.

“The Santa left the building on foot after it was pointed out he should not be driving – and in any case he did not even seem to know if he had a car here,” the owner added.

“The cool air seemed to have revived him a bit and he was last seen boarding a bus.”

Anyone who takes public transportation knows how common drunks are on buses and trains this time of year the world over.

The flashing and Santa’s plumber’s butt at the end were quite special.

Funniest Photos of 2007

Here are links to some of my favorite photos from 2007. Most are funny photos, but a couple simply struck me as unique:

Redneck Penguins – People are not alone in embracing the redneck lifestyle. These two penguins rank right up there with their human counterparts. It may not seem like this is a photo, but it is animation, which is a series of images or photos, and that is why it is included here.

Redneck Penguins

Dog Earred Monkey Business and Cat Nap – This photo touched people the world over and understandably so. Everyone loves a photo that touches the heart.

Redneck High School Reunion – Aah! The practical joke! The photographer who captured this moment should win an award for a photo that plants in the reader’s mind vivid anticipation of a moment coming soon.

Headless Redneck Businessman – How does the saying go? If you can keep your head when all others around you are losing theirs…

Alcoholic Elephants on the Rampage – A rampaging elephant is a sight to behold, but an alcoholic elephant on the rampage is rarer still…until lately. See why.

Creative Redneck Transportation – Here is a motorcycle unlike any other. What would possess your local redneck to manufacture a machine like this?

Funny Photos – These guys do not appear to be very conscientious as firemen go. Hopefully their attitude is a minority one.

Redneck Wireless Telephone Call – When you gotta go you gotta go, but you hate to miss an important phone call at the same time. Here is the solution.

Redneck Mercedes – Leave it to a redneck to degrade a classic vehicle like a Mercedes simply to enable viewing the world sideways.

More Funny Photos

Our Funniest Videos of 2007

Here are links to some of my favorite videos from 2007. Regardless of your taste, there is not a loser in the bunch:

Bathroom Break – by Jamie Kennedy, who is often an incredibly funny comedian. This video is one of the very best.

Sneak Thief Caught in the Act – A remarkably resourceful and clever gull actually figured out how to steal food from a convenience store.

Greatest Breasts in the World – Although this is a guy thing, this video can be hypnotic. It is definitely one of the best.

Redneck Slingshot – This video is typical of the redneck mentality. Not many mothers would want their daughter doing anything remotely close to this. But that is why it is funny.

Wedding Fight – If you like a good fight, this one of a Ukranian wedding is hilarious. With enough vodka in them these Russians will even beat up women.

Hot Dumb Blonde – Why is it that attractive blondes are often shortchanged intellectually? Perhaps it is God’s way of evening things up. In any case, this vid is really classic.

Paul Potts – Paul Potts was a diamond in the rough when he entered Britain’s Got Talent TV show contest. The video is remarkably heartwarming.

Redneck Mercedes – A German homeowner becomes fed up with the speeding traffic whizzing by his home and comes up with a redneck solution. Very entertaining.

Redneck Restroom – A remarkably clever idea. The video creator replaced a German rest room mirror with glass and substituted actors for what should be the reflection in the mirror. The result is very funny.

Redneck Dance King – A middle aged employee in a store with rock background music lets it all hang out, but he is not the best dancer you have seen. Remarkably funny.

Remarkable Dancing Parrot – This parrot actually dances to the beat of the music. Funny!

Redneck Hotel Maid – A short video with a very funny ending. Never trust your hotel maid again.

Lethal Snake Bite? – Poisonous snakes in the Middle East can be killers. Watch what happens when one sneaks up on these gentlemen.

This is Redneck Woman – A video compilation of many redneck women set to music. Very, very good.

Watch this Building Fall Down – A building in Serat, India, falls down all by itself and it is caught on video. Remarkable video!

Evolution of Dance – Chances are good that you have already seen this one, but the dancing is remarkable. Worth watching.

Redneck Heaven
– Another video compilation set to music (Dueling Banjos). Very entertaining.

Drunk Humor – A police officer is trying to administer a a sobriety test to an inebriated driver, but the driver flunks big time. Very funny.

Saudi Road Skating – This video brought the concept of road surfing to the world, but the Saudis did it first. Hard to believe video, but it’s real.

More videos