Category Archives: redneck graffiti

A Passel of Redneck Graffiti

Here lies a passel of Redneck graffiti for your perusal and intellectual edification. It seems that certain redneck types have scrawled their opinions and diatribes on vacant building walls merely to express themselves for your cerebral enlightenment. Lucky you.

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I cannot imagine why Osama bin Laden would ever hate country music. I mean, Shania Twain…Carrie Underwood…Hello!? Need I say more? That is probably as good of a reason to join the Marines as any, but perhaps Joe Bob doesn’t know Osama is no longer with us. If so, he may be slightly annoyed once he learns the truth.

So it seems that Bubba is a patron of the “Midnight Golf Supply.” Guess a fella has to save nickels and dimes wherever he can. But isn’t that red stripe around your ball a mite embarrassing once you are back in the clubhouse?

I can understand Joe Bob loading up on fresh “toys” when he visits the dump. One man’s trash IS another man’s treasure, after all.

And Billy Ray’s sis and stepmom being one and the same person is no fault of Billy Ray. Since when can we control who Daddy marries? Daddy always did have a mind of his own.

Billy Bob meeting girls at family reunions just makes a whole lot of sense. Why not keep it all in the family?

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Joe Bob’s sister really isn’t that trashy. Lots of girls wear a see thru blouse at their Momma’s funeral.

As for Bubba disappearing with his double wide to avert foreclosure, my understanding is that his bank hid a Lojack device on the trailer in the event of just such an occurrence. Sorry Bubba.

There was no chance of the fire in Billy Bob’s bathroom spreading to the house. Billy Bob deliberately placed his outhouse a ways off to avoid any odor issues wafting toward the house. That’s planning ahead Billy Bob.

And Jim Bob buying sushi at the bait shop just plain makes sense. A fella just has to save money when he can. Besides the bait shop has a recipe for pickled minnows that is just special.

Airplane or no airplane, Betty Lu has always been particular about her doo. Can’t see that changing any time soon.

Crack and plumber’s butt are just plain embarrassing. If you got it all hangin’ out on the backside, you ain’t no self respecting redneck. That is fer shur.

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Redneck Fire-breathing Dragon – Video

“9-1-1 operator! What is your Emergency?”

‘Yes, My name is Steve, and I want to report dragon.”

“A Dragon?”

“Yes, ma’am. Dragon. Blue fire-breathing dragon. I just saw it over on Main Street, not 5 minutes ago. It was breathing fire all over place.”

Fire-breathing Dragons

“Sir, this is 9-1-1 Emergency, and it is illegal to call 9-1-1 with prankster calls…”

“This is no prankster, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. This is Steve! My American name is Steve. I am studying to become US citizen, and I am not calling about prankster. I am from India. My Indian name is Pratepp Patel, but I like to use my American name. My American name is Steve.”

“I am telling you, 9-1-1 Emergency operator! I saw real, live, dragon…that was breathing fire. It was over on Main Street…right in middle of street. It was long and shiny, and it was blue!”

“Well, Steve. We’re right smack dab in the middle of Arkansas, and do you know what? We don’t have any dat-burn dragons here in Arkansas. Fact of the matter is, I don’t believe that there are any dragons on planet earth. Now we are very busy still working on the flooded areas, so a dragon call just is not high on our priority list. So what planet are you from anyway…Steve?”

“Oh, yes! 9-1-1 Emergency operator! There are dragons. They have dragons in Indonesia. Komodo dragons. But they are only 8-9 feet long and they don’t breathe fire. And I know the floods are a problem. I am calling from 4th Street. It’s still under water over here.”

“Kimono dragons? Now that sounds Japanese, Steve. And, 8-9 feet long! Steve, how big was that dragon that you say you saw?”

“It was at least 20 feet long. Maybe 25 feet. It was huge and blue and shiny. And it was breathing fire…I think.”

“You think! Well now, see here Steve! Was it breathing fire or was it not breathing fire?

“Fire was coming out of it, but I couldn’t tell which end was front. It might have fire coming out of butt.”

“Okay, Steve! If you’re sure that they have kimono dragons in Indonesia, maybe some tourist brought a pet back and it grew a mite. I’ll write it up. Let’s see…25 foot long, shiny blue dragon breathing fire out of butt…er, its butt…over on Main Street. Is that about right, Steve?”

“Yes, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. That’s right! Big blue dragon breathing fire out of butt. That’s it.”

“Okay, Steve. We’ll send a patrol car over your way. Now, Y’all keep an eye peeled and let us know if it moves anywhere else.”

*****


“Dispatch, This is car 54. Warrant and wants on plate hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra.”

“Car 54, this is dispatch. Warrant and wants on hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra negative. Prior moving violations: May, 2008 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. November, 2007 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. February, 2007 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle.”

“Car 5-4, it sounds like you have apprehended our feared Japanese kimono dragon. Over.”

“Roger that, dispatch. We witnessed said dragon spewing dangerous flammable liquid all over a 2006 Lexus SUV. That definitely riled up the SUV owner who took after our dragon owner with a revolver. We’re going to need back up, a wagon for the apprehended offenders and tow trucks to remove said dragon and burnt Lexus.”

“Dispatch, it seems that our dragon driver is a retired fireman who gets a mite riled when other drivers tailgate him. That’s why he rigged his vehicle to breathe fire on offending vehicles. Over.”

“Car 5-4. The citizens of Arkansas can rest easy now that our dreaded kimono dragon has been apprehended. Back up and wagon on the way 5-4. Over.”

“Roger that, Dispatch. Over and out.”

Dragon with the Fire-breathing Butt follows:

There you have it. A dangerous kimono dragon has been removed from the streets. Thus the avenues and boulevards of Arkansas are safe once again. But who knows what other evil lurks in the minds of rednecks everywhere? Beware!

More Redneck Graffiti – When a Redneck Attacks – Video

What happens when rednecks attack? Folks it ain’t pretty, but it is funny. Beware of attacking rednecks. Learn more in our video.

Plus, it’s about time we presented a little more redneck graffiti, and we have a couple of new ones that fill the bill.

Poor Bubba got behind in his mortgage payments and didn’t know what to do. Fortunately, Bubba is a creative devil and came up with this unusual remedy:


I don’t believe that is a solution that will help the average homeowner who is in mortgage trouble.

******

Redneck Airlines

It’s a busy day at Redneck Airlines, and the passengers on one of its jets are already seated waiting for the pilot to get the plane under way.

Both the pilot and copilot eventually show up in the back of the airplane and start their trek toward the cockpit through the center aisle. The pilot walks along with a white cane, but he is bumping into the passengers right and left while he feels his way up the aisle. It is apparent to anyone that he is blind. The copilot follows the pilot, and he uses a guide dog. Both of them wear sunglasses.

Initially, the passengers look at each other in disbelief, thinking that this has to be some sort of practical joke. Soon though, they hear the engines running, and the airplane starts moving down the runway.

The passengers are a bit shocked and again look at each other, this time with anxiety. They begin to whisper among themselves and many look toward the flight attendants for some type of reassurance.

Then, the plane begins to accelerate rapidly, and now the passengers are starting to panic. Two nuns seated toward the front of the plane pull out rosaries and begin praying. As the plane gets ever nearer to the end of the runway, all of the passengers’ voices grow more hysterical.

Finally the plane has only twenty feet of runway remaining, and the passengers suddenly change the pitch of their voices to shouts as everyone loudly screams simultaneously. At the very last moment, the plane gently lifts off the runway and it is airborne. The plane begins a normal ascent toward its cruising altitude.

In the cockpit, the copilot exhales a sigh of relief and says to the pilot, “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we won’t know when to take off.”

*****

When Joe Bob finished high school, he was unsure what he wanted to do with his life. Fortunately for him, the Marine Corps. recruiter knew exactly what Joe Bob wanted to do.


That was one kind hearted Marine recruiter, now wasn’t it?

*****

Last, but not least: What do you do when a redneck attacks? Check out our video.

More Redneck Graffiti
Try Redneck Funny Photos
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Tank Driver
Redneck Gas Passing Contest
Redneck Window Washers
Redneck Mercedes
Redneck Dance King
Redneck Bathroom Break

Redneck Graffiti 2008

We have neglected our redneck graffiti for awhile, so it is time for another installment. Here are a few choice ones.


You have to admire Bubba’s frugality. That guy sure knows how to save a buck. Think I’ll git him to help me “shop” for some new tires for my car.


That was sure some quick thinking on Billy Bob’s part. That must have been a bad fire because I have heard that manure burns slowly and for a long time.


Ol’ Betty Lu is always thinking because I never knew that airplanes got that breezy.

We will leave with the eternal question of:

How do you know when you’re staying in a Redneck hotel?

When you pick up the phone, call the front desk and say, “I’ve got a leak in my sink,” and the person at the front desk replies, “Well, ya’ll go right ahead.”

More Redneck Humor
More Redneck Graffiti
Try Redneck Video Humor
Try Redneck Funny Photos

Redneck Sister Graffiti

  • “Billy Ray’s sister is also his step mom.”

Well, that could be very confusing. “Mom, make her stop looking at me” would become “Mom, stop looking at me?”

Imagine Billy Ray bringing home his first girlfriend and introducing her to the ‘family:’ “Mary, I want you to meet my sister, my mom and dad’s wife. No, that’s not three people, that’s just sis here.”

And it gives a whole new meaning to the concept of “I want a girl, just like the girl that married dear old dad.”

Okay, all of you folks who do not believe in evolution have to explain something that I do not understand. If humankind began with Adam and Eve, doesn’t that mean that their kids had to intermarry. How else could the population expand? And, if that’s true, then doesn’t that condone incest?

The nuns never would explain that to me when I was a kid. They kept changing the subject, and I still don’t get it to this day.

Any of you biblical fundamentalists are welcome to comment.

More Graffiti Humor…

Redneck Garbage Graffiti

If Dad says you have to do it, I guess you have to do it. But what do you think Joe Bob’s dad would say about it? Perhaps, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure?

  • “His Dad said: Take out the trash. So now Bubba’s dating Joe Bob’s sister.”

Hey girls! I think Joe Bob has a brother that’s single. This could be your opportunity.

More Redneck Graffiti…