Category Archives: redneck photo

A Passel of Redneck Graffiti

Here lies a passel of Redneck graffiti for your perusal and intellectual edification. It seems that certain redneck types have scrawled their opinions and diatribes on vacant building walls merely to express themselves for your cerebral enlightenment. Lucky you.

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I cannot imagine why Osama bin Laden would ever hate country music. I mean, Shania Twain…Carrie Underwood…Hello!? Need I say more? That is probably as good of a reason to join the Marines as any, but perhaps Joe Bob doesn’t know Osama is no longer with us. If so, he may be slightly annoyed once he learns the truth.

So it seems that Bubba is a patron of the “Midnight Golf Supply.” Guess a fella has to save nickels and dimes wherever he can. But isn’t that red stripe around your ball a mite embarrassing once you are back in the clubhouse?

I can understand Joe Bob loading up on fresh “toys” when he visits the dump. One man’s trash IS another man’s treasure, after all.

And Billy Ray’s sis and stepmom being one and the same person is no fault of Billy Ray. Since when can we control who Daddy marries? Daddy always did have a mind of his own.

Billy Bob meeting girls at family reunions just makes a whole lot of sense. Why not keep it all in the family?


Joe Bob’s sister really isn’t that trashy. Lots of girls wear a see thru blouse at their Momma’s funeral.

As for Bubba disappearing with his double wide to avert foreclosure, my understanding is that his bank hid a Lojack device on the trailer in the event of just such an occurrence. Sorry Bubba.

There was no chance of the fire in Billy Bob’s bathroom spreading to the house. Billy Bob deliberately placed his outhouse a ways off to avoid any odor issues wafting toward the house. That’s planning ahead Billy Bob.

And Jim Bob buying sushi at the bait shop just plain makes sense. A fella just has to save money when he can. Besides the bait shop has a recipe for pickled minnows that is just special.

Airplane or no airplane, Betty Lu has always been particular about her doo. Can’t see that changing any time soon.

Crack and plumber’s butt are just plain embarrassing. If you got it all hangin’ out on the backside, you ain’t no self respecting redneck. That is fer shur.


Redneck Playground or Your Kid is Elephant Poopy

Safety is of paramount importance when designing anything children will use. There can be no parts that will pinch tiny fingers; in no way can any of the equipment or parts of the equipment tip over; and harmful substances such as lead paint or or any parts small enough to swallow simply are not allowed.

But our redneck playground designer must have skipped school the day his professor discussed appropriateness of theme, because something is wrong when your kids return home from the playground crying and telling you the other kids teased them and called them elephant poopy.

“Peter, Peter is elephant poopy. Emily smells like elephant poop. Nah-nah nah nah-nah!”

I don’t know about you but hearing that my kids are being compared to elephant poop worries me that it may create an identity crisis in the four-year-old mind. That sort of nick name may tend to linger longer than one might like not unlike the odor of pachyderm poop.

“…I don’t smell like elephant poopy, do I Daddy?”

One must reassure four-year-olds about enough other things in life without having to add elephant poopy to the list.

“Peter, the sky is blue because God painted it that color when he had left over paint from painting his living room. And no you do not smell like elephant poopy. Your mom makes you take lots of baths so you will only smell like a clean little boy.”

Perhaps an elephant slide such as this one is not an issue in the Redneck mind because four-year-old Redneck little boys sometimes do smell like elephant poopy.

Redneck Photoshop – Pantyless Britney Spears and Others

Daisy, over at the charming blog, Smiling with Daisy, provided me with an inkling of an idea a while back when she blogged a post about sites that had online software which gave you with the ability to manipulate photographs in numerous ways. Stop in to see Daisy, when you get a chance because she has a family type blog that looks at life from a funny, warm and wholesome perspective.

Well, kudos to Daisy because her post was the genesis of this post. She manipulated a few photos with some interesting results, so I wondered what the results might be if Bubba, one of our resident rednecks, took a turn at manipulating photos of celebrities. Instead of using online software, Bubba used Paint Shop Pro, a program which is similar to Photoshop, but a whole lot cheaper.

Bubba took some normal celebrity photos and changed all of the colors in the photo to just one color, such as silver, gold and red. Here are some of the results:

Jay Leno:

Jay Leno, star of the Tonight Show, has an very strong jaw that came out even stronger when his photo was changed to silver. The result is that Ol’ Jay has a determined but simpler look in silver than he does in real life. In fact, Jay looks like he would fit in very well with Bubba and his redneck friends.

Jay’s new look reminds us a lot of Gomer Pyle, from the TV show back in the 1960’s. Hey! Gomer! Yeah, Ol’ Redneck Jay looks like a Gomer and is a good fit in his silver makeover.


Jud Tylor:

Jud Tylor is one remarkable looking young actress, who was most recently seen with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in Charlie Wilson’s War.

Bubba took a photo of Jud from the cover of Stuff magazine, where she looked so very hot, steamy even. He converted her to silver and came up with a hot Jud Tylor, whose bosom looks even bigger if that is possible. But she also looks a bit dangerous. Her hair seems to have changed to scarecrow straw, and her eyes look right through you. Go ahead, look into the eyes of the silver Jud. This girl is scary!


Carson Daly:

For the unaware, Carson Daly hosts a talk show called Last Call with Carson Daly, which airs after the Conan O’Brien Show, which is on after the Jay Leno show. Carson’s show comes on around 12-2 AM depending on what TV market you are in.

Carson sports an extremely juvenile looking mustache that makes him look like he’s about 16-years-old at the most. He usually wears a suit with a tie that is loose around his neck and his shirts are generally not tucked in even when wearing a suit. His look totally sucks, but some of the teens and 20 somethings seem to like him, which is the market he is after.

When Bubba went to work on Carson, he gave him a fat lip along with a small hole in the end of his nose, which fits right in with the teenage audience that Carson aspires to attract because that age group often seems to be piercing something on their faces.

The silver look made Carson’s teeth appear to be decayed, which is a common look from the silver makeover.

At least the silver made Carson’s mustache appear more like an adult, but Carson turned down my request to be my friend on MySpace, which means he is now rather low on my admired list.


Angelina Jolie:

Bubba went whole hog on the stunning Angelina Jolie, converting her into silver, gold, and hot red. In the gold and red, she looks like she’s in black face, ala one of those movies from the 1930’s. But in the silver, she resembles a witch doctor from a Tarzan movie from the 1950’s.

What a waste of a beautiful actress, turning her into a witch doctor. Now if she were a high priestess, that would be a fitting makeover for Angelina.


George Clooney:

Bubba made over the peripatetic 47-year-old actor, George Clooney, in both silver and gold. In the gold photo, the makeover results in George’s teeth appearing like he just finished eating a package of oreos. Got a sweet tooth George?

All of you women know that George, who is still a bachelor by the way, looks remarkably good in silver, gold or any other color of the rainbow.


Britney Spears Kissing Madonna:

Remember the infamous kiss onstage between Madonna and Britney Spears? Madonna, who has made an entire career based on bizarre and anti-social behavior, orchestrated this little shocker which initiated an international discussion of girl-on-girl action.

For some reason, Bubba especially enjoyed this little makeover, and enjoyed it a little too much at that, I might add. The final products both look a lot like statues to me. Notice, though, how Madonna appears like she has bare arms in the makeovers as opposed to the black sleeves in the original photo.

Because we anticipated this photo would result in a more interesting effect than it did, we decided to add the piece de resistance:


Britney Spears Bottomless:

This is not an x-rated blog and we have no desire to shock anyone, so we chose the less revealing of the two photos on the Net displaying the pantyless Britney Spears for all to see. Plus we have strategically placed an opaque little rectangle on the photo in order to maintain our PG rating.

The silver makeover of Britney sans panties actually makes it look like she is wearing some. How does that work anyway? The makeover is far less shocking than the original photo. Evidently, some things were meant to be observed with the benefit of the full color spectrum, just as nature intended. Go figure.


That does it for this version of our Redneck Photoshop. If you like it, let us know and we may do another, or not.

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Redneck Fire-breathing Dragon – Video

“9-1-1 operator! What is your Emergency?”

‘Yes, My name is Steve, and I want to report dragon.”

“A Dragon?”

“Yes, ma’am. Dragon. Blue fire-breathing dragon. I just saw it over on Main Street, not 5 minutes ago. It was breathing fire all over place.”

Fire-breathing Dragons

“Sir, this is 9-1-1 Emergency, and it is illegal to call 9-1-1 with prankster calls…”

“This is no prankster, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. This is Steve! My American name is Steve. I am studying to become US citizen, and I am not calling about prankster. I am from India. My Indian name is Pratepp Patel, but I like to use my American name. My American name is Steve.”

“I am telling you, 9-1-1 Emergency operator! I saw real, live, dragon…that was breathing fire. It was over on Main Street…right in middle of street. It was long and shiny, and it was blue!”

“Well, Steve. We’re right smack dab in the middle of Arkansas, and do you know what? We don’t have any dat-burn dragons here in Arkansas. Fact of the matter is, I don’t believe that there are any dragons on planet earth. Now we are very busy still working on the flooded areas, so a dragon call just is not high on our priority list. So what planet are you from anyway…Steve?”

“Oh, yes! 9-1-1 Emergency operator! There are dragons. They have dragons in Indonesia. Komodo dragons. But they are only 8-9 feet long and they don’t breathe fire. And I know the floods are a problem. I am calling from 4th Street. It’s still under water over here.”

“Kimono dragons? Now that sounds Japanese, Steve. And, 8-9 feet long! Steve, how big was that dragon that you say you saw?”

“It was at least 20 feet long. Maybe 25 feet. It was huge and blue and shiny. And it was breathing fire…I think.”

“You think! Well now, see here Steve! Was it breathing fire or was it not breathing fire?

“Fire was coming out of it, but I couldn’t tell which end was front. It might have fire coming out of butt.”

“Okay, Steve! If you’re sure that they have kimono dragons in Indonesia, maybe some tourist brought a pet back and it grew a mite. I’ll write it up. Let’s see…25 foot long, shiny blue dragon breathing fire out of butt…er, its butt…over on Main Street. Is that about right, Steve?”

“Yes, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. That’s right! Big blue dragon breathing fire out of butt. That’s it.”

“Okay, Steve. We’ll send a patrol car over your way. Now, Y’all keep an eye peeled and let us know if it moves anywhere else.”


“Dispatch, This is car 54. Warrant and wants on plate hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra.”

“Car 54, this is dispatch. Warrant and wants on hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra negative. Prior moving violations: May, 2008 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. November, 2007 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. February, 2007 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle.”

“Car 5-4, it sounds like you have apprehended our feared Japanese kimono dragon. Over.”

“Roger that, dispatch. We witnessed said dragon spewing dangerous flammable liquid all over a 2006 Lexus SUV. That definitely riled up the SUV owner who took after our dragon owner with a revolver. We’re going to need back up, a wagon for the apprehended offenders and tow trucks to remove said dragon and burnt Lexus.”

“Dispatch, it seems that our dragon driver is a retired fireman who gets a mite riled when other drivers tailgate him. That’s why he rigged his vehicle to breathe fire on offending vehicles. Over.”

“Car 5-4. The citizens of Arkansas can rest easy now that our dreaded kimono dragon has been apprehended. Back up and wagon on the way 5-4. Over.”

“Roger that, Dispatch. Over and out.”

Dragon with the Fire-breathing Butt follows:

There you have it. A dangerous kimono dragon has been removed from the streets. Thus the avenues and boulevards of Arkansas are safe once again. But who knows what other evil lurks in the minds of rednecks everywhere? Beware!

Redneck License Plates

Guess what used to be one of the most popular vanity license plates in all 50 states?

Of course it is only popular with the male half of the population. The female half possess a vastly different outlook on what is most popular.

I have yet to meet the missus that is willing to allow her better half to drive around town with a license plate like that. Maybe that is why the guy hates his wife, because she won’t let him broadcast the fact that he hates her.

He probably would not hate her as much if she would let him tell the world that he hates her. And if he were totally free to proclaim that he hates her, maybe he wouldn’t even hate her at all. But that gets into too much of which came first, the chicken or the egg.

There is probably a female counterpart to that plate, maybe something like this:

But the real reason that these folks hate either their wives or their men is because they fall into this category:

However, you don’t see many plates like that driving around because of the strict rules of the motor vehicle departments around the nation. It’s not that they don’t want you telling folks that you hate your life. We all hate our lives to some degree; it’s part of life to hate your life.

No, it’s simpler than that. Most DMVs will no longer allow the combination of the letter “H” with the number “8.” They claim they do not want to spread hatred.

Now that sounds like an admirable goal, but we know the real reason! The real reason is that they want to censor what you want to say.

Well, down with censorship! This is the Internet and we will say what ever we want to say! And we are going to start saying it right now!

We start with simple redneck license plates like this:

Or this:

Because we want to explore the redneck mentality in all of us, let’s skate a little closer to the edge, like this:

Now that sounds sweet and innocent to most of us, but to Bubba, it really means this:

As we explore redneck family relationships even more we find that family reunions get very complicated. Here is one possibility:

And this license plate returns us to that chicken or the egg concept again. Did sis come first or did mom come first? I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

Now if sis had a headache back when dad made his move on sis, that means that Bubba wouldn’t even be here. How’s that for complicated?

At that family reunion I heard Jim Bob say, “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!” Did he mean that literally?

We have barely scratched the surface with redneck license plates. Think of the possibilities that beckon our exploration in this area, and think of the interesting posts that promise to come from it all.

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What’s More Redneck Than a Redneck Trailer Home?

What makes a Redneck house a home? The soft warm touches that you apply to your home are what differentiate your home from all of those other more mundane houses, of course. Those changes are how you make your house your home.

Having said that, the following houses should in no way be labeled mundane, but we do encourage labeling them as Redneck because the touches added by the owners are the opposite of soft and warm.

Whatever some of the homeowners were thinking when they had these beauties built is any body’s guess. Whether they qualify as homes rather than houses, however, is for you to decide. They definitely qualify as Redneck though.

It is safe to say that no ordinary redneck home is as creative as these highly unusual buildings. To my knowledge, none of these photos presented here have been photoshopped. So these wonders actually are what they appear to be.

Although the builders’ motivations when they created these abodes will forever remain a mystery for many of them, the builders were most likely the attention seeking type. Because these houses definitely will draw stares from passersby.

Our first house is from Japan, where square footage in a home is often kept to a minimum because of land cost. Notice the small footprint on the ground. This building appears to have little room inside unless it features many stairs, which, I have heard, is common in Japan.

The creator of this property obviously had an upside down view of the world. The home was built prior to the current housing crisis, so it is unlikely that the homeowner was upside down in his mortgage like some unfortunate homeowners are today.


Our second home is also upside down, but this home was built as a political statement by Daniel Czapiewski in Szymbark, Poland. Daniel had a few extra zlotychs (the Polish currency) so he built the upside down house as a way of voicing his opinion against the logic of the Polish communist government’s methods of governing.

Most people make political statements in writing or speeches. Daniel followed a different drummer, and the ensuing short video explains more about Daniel and the topsy turvy political statement he built.


This building or group of buildings is one of my favorites. The colors are remarkable. In fact, it almost appears that the builder let his kids loose to draw on the outside of the structure, which is replete with lots of hearts and funny faces.

It might be a bit strange though, being single and living here. Imagine bringing your special friend back to your place. One look at the outside would scare away all but the most open minded individuals.

It has been said that being too open minded may allow your brains to fall out. Just such an occurrence is a distinct possibility here.

Imagine throwing a party for your friends from work. “Just follow 4th Street until you come to the crayon colored house.”

Your co-workers certainly would not see you in the same light anymore once they were back at the office.


Are those faces looking back at you from this photo? The second floor windows definitely appear as eyes, although the mouth seems somewhat evasive.

The structure appears as if you were looking at a fun house mirror–like your belly or your butt is really fatter than reality. This building looks more like a facade on a commercial building, but that’s okay.

It’s the odd look we’re after, so commercial property is just fine. This one has a very pleasing look. If it’s a restaurant, the dining experience shows promise.


The world’s first, and hopefully last, toilet shaped house was built by Sim Jae-duck, the South Korean born chairman of the organizing committee of the Inaugural General Assembly of the World Toilet Association.

I, for one, never knew that there even was an Inaugural General Assembly of the World Toilet Association. But I lead a sheltered life anyway. I am sure you were aware of the Association, weren’t you?

It is really too bad that old Sim wasn’t named Sim Jae-Loo, which would be a fitting name for a house built like a loo. But that would have been too easy. If you are going to make jokes about the toilet house, we’re certainly not going to make it that easy for you.

Sim Jae-duck’s motivation for creating this giant commode was to draw attention to his feeling that there is an urgent global need for better sanitation. Evidently ol’ slim Sim wants us all to flush more often. I wonder what happens to the furniture when he flushes?

Sim named his creation Haewoojae, which is Korean for “a place of sanctuary where one can solve one’s worries.” Well, all of you wives know that is what men use the loo for anyway. There is nothing new in that.

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Redneck Taxicab, Redneck Ferrari, Redneck Car Wash and Redneck Power Windows

The New York City taxicab drivers must have negotiated a very lucrative contract after their strike last year because it is not often that you see a Ferrari being employed as a gypsy cab.

The real issue in the strike was GPS tracking of the taxicabs, but money is always a factor in any contract negotiations. However, any cabbie would have to drive a whole lot of hours each week no matter what rate he is charging in order to afford a ride like this Ferrari.

Perhaps this is another example of an eccentric billionaire wanting to add a little excitement to his life, ala New York City Mayor, Michael Bloomberg. The New York mayor certainly did not run for mayor of the big apple for the money.

The driver of this red hot Ferrari taxicab must enjoy something about the New York cabbie lifestyle to entice him to convert his very expensive Ferrari into a taxi. Perhaps it is the danger zone the cabbies work in.

Taxi drivers seem to be facing ever greater on the job dangers these days. Maybe this redneck is determined to live his life to the fullest, even if his life is cut short over it.

Well, at least there is economy of space involved here. We only have to write about one photo to cover both redneck ferraris and redneck taxicabs.

Our road construction redneck is an example of absolutely classic redneck thinking. Can’t you just envision the road construction foreman looking over his blueprints?

“My prints tell me to build this road right where that power line pole is, and that is where I am going to build it.”

Maybe the foreman is attempting to embarrass one of his supervisors at work. What ever the reason, this road construction snafu may very well result in someone getting the pink slip.


The first video is classic redneck car wash material. The poor fellow driving the white sedan must have had one dreadful day after this car wash episode.

The second video is very entertaining. Who woulda thunk it? Redneck power windows on a pickup truck. I am impressed with this guy’s imagination.

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Redneck Transportation

As potholes go, this is one heavy-duty redneck hole in the ground. You will not likely find many other potholes that will challenge your driving skills as much as this one will.

Hopefully the parking lot folks didn’t charge our victim much to park in this spot because that would be rubbing salt into the wound. This redneck is going to need something even better than 4-wheel drive to escape from this parking misadventure.

Perhaps a few good ol’ boys will be milling around come quitting time. Those boys would need to be empathetic gents who exhibit a willingness to pitch in and help our redneck pothole victim extricate himself from this parking lot morass that is attempting to swallow his ride.

Half price just doesn’t cut it when describing this misadventure. Call it half off and you have more aptly characterized the remains of this redneck vehicle. Even 50% off would work better.

Now, if this car does not have rear wheel drive, you will be in for a major disappointment when you shift into gear. And once you start tooling down the old highway, things are going to get a mite breezy so bring a sweater.

It is pretty obvious that traveling in this manner gives a whole new meaning to the concept of back seat driver because, in this case, the back seat driver is also the front seat driver.

Plus you can no longer call this cut-rate wonder a sedan, but it’s still not a coupe either–not even a sports coupe. I guess we will just have to label it sporty and leave it at that.

In our first video, it’s almost tanks for the memories:


Those tank drivers act like they are the only ones on the road, for Pete’s sake! That guy needs a bumper sticker that says, “My other car is a Bradley armored vehicle!”

Our next video has redneck written all over it. This video describes redneck better than any other in recent memory. Give a look:


Do rednecks bother to plan ahead? Rarely.

Do they suffer the consequences? Always.

Don’t you just love it? Oh yeah!

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Redneck Window Washers

Our first image portrays true dedication to keeping a neat and clean house, however, I would be scared to death if that were my mum out there on that ledge. How should one react to discovering that his mum exhibits behavior as redneck as venturing out onto narrow ledges above the hustle, bustle and din of the city anyway?

Hey Seamus, I saw your mom out on the window ledge the other day. Is she suicidal or what?

No, she’s just highly compulsive about cleanliness, that’s all.

Most of us appreciate a clean window, but our appreciation rarely extends to the window washer. I would hope, however, that the sight of a gray-haired, little old lady in her housecoat on an 18 inch wide ledge washing windows would at least elicit some respect for her devotion to keeping her world as transparent as possible.

Our second window washer also displays a single minded enthusiasm for her work that one rarely encounters any more. Most workers are limited to the use of merely two hands to finish their chores, but this resourceful lass appears to have learned how to keep herself abreast, so to speak, of any developments she may encounter.

Mark down one more reason to embrace breast augmentation surgery because wearing a D cup is clearly an advantage for anyone contemplating tackling this method of window cleaning.

Our third window washer must certainly have expected to draw a crowd, considering that she failed to properly dress for the occasion.

The locale is most probably Europe or South America because this type of attire will generally get you busted in the US. Europeans are much more tolerant toward such exposure than Americans.

Which brings up the subject of our video, where again exposure, or perhaps how much is too much, is the issue. The voyeurs in the video most probably feel there is no such thing as too much exposure.

Redneck Mercedes

Leave it to a redneck to degrade a classic vehicle like a Mercedes simply to enable viewing the world sideways. The driver of this sedan gets to see what might have been if he had a yen to lean towards the southpaw in him.

One usually tries not to look back where he has been simply to avoid second guessing himself. However, prudence demands that you do spend some time looking where you are going. That could prove to be a challenge in this vehicle.

If nothing else, a sore neck is a likely result.

As for the video, there is a language barrier in this one, but the gist of the message is that the homeowner had grown tired of traffic in front of his home constantly exceeding the speed limit. Thus, he craftily devised a certain revenge to teach the lead-footed drivers a lesson.

I think that the law may not agree with his point of view in this instance. But that is the price that may be extracted when one exhibits a steadfast determination to play the role of vigilante.

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Redneck Treehugger

The owner of this property must be one heavy duty redneck for carrying tree hugging a notch too far. Some folks get so wrapped up in a cause that they eventually end up wearing blinders, and that could be the situation here. The owner cannot see the forest for his trees, since at least two of them are growing right through his building.

I like shade as much as the next guy, but imagine the extra labor you would need to expend annually just to maintain the precarious balance existing here between man and nature.

As the trees grow the trunks will thicken and you will have to remove a little of the roof, a little of the siding on the outside of the building, and who knows what else on the inside of the property. Then you must waterproof any areas where nature meets man-made materials. Case in point: notice the green waterproofing around the spots where the trunks run through the roof.

Then, what about the bugs that always come with trees? You cannot keep them out of the building because, if they can get into the tree, they can get inside the structure.

Also, that does not take into account the damage that the roots might do to the foundation of the building.

The nagging question here is the chicken or the egg dilemma. Which came first? Was the building built around the trees or did the trees grow through the building? The latter might simply be the result of a person’s procrastinating nature.

“Yeah, I have to get around to trimming out those trees growing here in the house, but, I am getting too much pressure at work. Maybe I will get to it next week or next month.”

Next month becomes next June, which becomes next year. Soon…Voila! You have the situation you see before you.

Maybe it’s like those people you read about that had their home condemned by the city because they allowed 89 cats to run loose in the place. It probably started with only a couple of cats, then they had a litter…and then another litter…and so on.

But if the building’s owner removes the trees now, major reconstruction will be needed to cover up the areas where the trees grew through the building.

This situation will teach you not to procrastinate. I intend to learn from this, and, whatever needs to be done around my home, I will do it now!

Right after my nap.

The video quite literally presents a different type of treehugger. This redneck lumberjack has placed a unique label on his version of tree hugging. I don’t think I ever want to be quite that radical, thank you. Ooh! That has to hurt!

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Un-Redneck Carpenter

This is one highly skilled carpenter, who is much too good to be classified as a redneck. Rednecks can only aspire to be this good at anything. If there were an Olympics category for carpentry, this worker would earn the gold medal.

Below is another tradesman who uses creativity to make up for his lack of hydraulic equipment. It may be a bit of a challenge to change the car’s oil in this position, though. My guess is that this mechanic will not let that stop him.

And, don’t you just love that sidewalk superintendent?

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Creative Redneck Transportation

The redneck version of anything is always special, to say the least. First, we have a truly redneck designed and hand crafted Hog, or motorcycle for the less than hip folks in the audience. The mechanic’s love for his machine clearly shows through in the workmanship. The guy even added a headlight and horn to this homemade version of “Harley Heaven.”

Although it may not be street legal, you cannot truthfully say it is not special.


The following video highlights a redneck version of the bicycle built for…umm…two…I think. This transportation is clearly designed for the couple who are clearly saddled with opposing viewpoints.

The rider in the rear…er…rather, the rider to the right decidedly retains the privilege of viewing life from the certitude of hindsight. What’s done is done. There is little open to conjecture from his point of view.

The rider to the left, however, is constantly faced with hypothesis and curiosity. What, oh what, lies beyond the next turn? One can only speculate. This machine is proof that perspective is everything.

Next is the redneck lawnmower. Now this is a machine for the weekend lawn jockey in all of us. This grass cutter adds a little panache and flair to what is usually a rather dull chore.

Leave it to the creativity of the redneck mind to tackle lawn work from such a unique perspective.

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Redneck Wireless Telehone Call

Sometimes you get that phone call that you simply have to take. But, when nature calls, you really cannot ignore that either. The result might very well end up like this, except that this redneck men’s room has no walls.

Well, that simply makes for more interesting conversations and undoubtedly for some animated observations from the voyeur in all of us.

Personally, I am going to hang around to see if that woman in 44D intends to take a shower this morning. Rumor has it that she uses soap-on-a-rope, and that is something that really should be verified first hand.

You simply cannot delegate responsibility for a duty as solemn as that, nor would I stoop to burdening others with such a daunting task. I just will not presume to ask another to perform a chore that I am not willing to undertake myself.

Although, for some reason, I sense that the building’s water pressure may be compromised a tad today. Perhaps it has something to do with a rumor going around regarding a city condemnation order.

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Headless Redneck Businessman

This redneck has obviously lost his head, and he does not appear to be handling it all that well. Unfortunately, some folks’ personalities simply do not shine during a crisis.

“Hey mister! Have you seen my head anywhere around here? It was here just a minute ago. No, it‘s not in there.”

Mr. Businessman, did you know that it was Rudyard Kipling who said: “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you.”

Mister redneck obviously has not read Kipling because he has already lost his head, and, although there is no indication on where he is placing the blame, an educated guess says it is being placed on someone other than himself.

And…yes, he does appear to be rather affected by it all. Does the word frantic come to mind?

“Well, it just has to be here somewhere?”

Here‘s a thought. Let us try to be logical about this. Where were you when you last saw your head? Perhaps we can retrace your steps.

“I had it when I left home this morning. The Missus and I were having an argument. She is ready to have a baby, because it seems that her biological clock is ticking. I think that is what set it all off.”

Now we are getting somewhere. You say that the missus’ clock is ticking? That sheds a new light on the situation. Nary a man dead or alive was ever capable of keeping his head when the better half had a ticking clock. Like it or not, her hormones will take over the relationship, and the male has not a chance.

Your choice is simple, dear sir. Your mistake was to think that your headless existence was a result of a physical malady. The reality is that it is completely psychological. Your life as a family man is about to be changed forever by the tick-tock of your wife’s hormones. The longer that you fight that ticking, the more exasperating your miserable existence will be.

However, the cure is simple. You either succumb to your other half’s wishes or your head will be lost to you forever. No man can compete when female hormones are out of control. Agree to have the baby or face a future of headless frustration.

But it could be worse. You could be missing more essential parts of your anatomy.

But do not fret. That will come after the baby does.

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Redneck High School Reunion

If one ordinary picture is worth a thousand words, this photo should be worth one dictionary. We have all seen some Gatorade moments on the sidelines of football games, but this moment is about to be priceless.

You get the invitation to your high school reunion, and you think, “yeah. Why not go?”

Well, here is your reason because this is about to be one wet get together.

Notice how everyone is smiling–except for that one stick-in-the-mud towards the bottom right side. Do you think he knew what was about to happen? One can only guess.

There had to have been a choice few who knew what was up because it is almost impossible to keep that many folks in the dark on something this big and this wet. That fellow on the far left appears to have the biggest smile of all. Could it be that he deliberately positioned himself far enough away from the waterfalls so that he remained high and dry?

Or perhaps this is someone’s idea of an involuntary wet t-shirt contest. If that is the case, then the only winners are the ones on the roof.

Regardless of who knew what in advance, this will be one unforgettable reunion.

What do you think they will have planned for the next year?