Category Archives: funny

First Mortgage

A pit bull was sitting around the dog house one day and decided that his tattered home needed a make over. “I have to get a home improvement loan to fix this place up,” he thought. “This place is going to the dogs.”

So he trotted down to his local mortgage company to inquire about a mortgage and was greeted by Patricia Whack, a brand new loan officer starting her first day on the job.

Patricia was a bit unnerved that her very first customer would be a dog–and a pit bull at that. However, she took it in stride and began taking the loan application.

The pit bull was also concerned that he might not get the loan because, after all, he was just a dog. So he decided to embellish things a bit by mentioning that his father was none other than Mick Jagger.

“Really?“ said Patricia, looking a bit incredulous. The dog also produced a small, porcelain pink elephant to use as additional collateral.

After taking the loan application, Patricia took the papers into her boss’s office to get the loan approved. Naturally, she was somewhat anxious to complete her first transaction as a loan officer, and she remembered the pink elephant the pit bull had given her. As her manager studied the pit bull’s loan application she took out the small trinket and said, “he also gave me this as collateral. What is it?”

Looking up, her boss replied, “It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the dog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

Copyright 2007. Seamus McCafferty. All rights reserved.

Irish Viagra

A newlywed Irish lass visited her physician to inquire about reviving her new husband’s tarnished libido.

“What about trying Viagra?” asks the doctor.

“Not a chance,” she said. “He won’t even take an aspirin!”

“Not to fret,” replied the doctor. “Give him an Irish Viagra.”

“What’s an Irish Viagra, Doctor?”

“That’s where you just drop the Viagra into his morning coffee, He won’t even taste it,” replied the doctor. “Give it a try, and call me in a week to let me know how things went.”

It wasn’t a week later that she called the doctor, who inquired as to the medication’s progress.

The lass exclaimed, “Oh, faith, t’was horrid, just horrid, doctor!”

“Really” What happened?” asked the doctor.

“Well, I did just as you advised me to do and slipped the Viagra into his morning coffee. It took effect immediately, and he jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth a flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me right on the tabletop! T’was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!”

“Why so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Do you mean the sex your husband gave you wasn’t any good?”

“Oh, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! T’was the best sex I’ve ever had! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again!”

Try Irish Drinking humor