Category Archives: celebrities

Thread the Needle Base Jump Will Stop Your Heart-Extreme Video

Watch closely because base jumper extraordinaire Uli Emanuele is about to thread the needle so to speak through a hole in a rock formation somewhere in Switzerland. Uli measured the hole at 2 meters and 60-70 centimeters, which approximately equals 104 inches or 8 feet 8 inches.

Uli2

We do not know at what speed Uli is traveling, but at an altitude of 600 metres, with a free-fall of at least 300 metres, a jumper is traveling at approximately 120 mph. (1) Therefore, Uli will hit the blue hole in the rock in the picture above at a speed of at least 80-100 mph. If he has an average sleeve length of 33-35 inches, Uli will have a wing span of 5’6″-5’10”. Subtracting that from the estimated hole width of 8’8″ leaves Uli with only 1.5 feet of clearance on either side of the hole, at a speed of 80-100 mph. That does not leave much room for error.

Uli must be spot on where he aims his body. If there is a slight downdraft or updraft when he flies through the hole, that may force him off course and he may hit one of his hands on the rock. That collision would probably push the rest of his body smack dab into the rock. Uli would then merely be a glob of primordial ooze inside the eye of the needle he must thread. I do not envy his chances.

We know that it is possible for Uli to lose his life if he misses the hole, his eye of the needle as we have said. Please remember that base jumping videos can be extremely exciting and stressful for the viewer, even unhealthy if the viewer has compromised health. If you have a heart condition, be sure to have your heart medication nearby along with your phone if you need to call for medical assistance. Remember, you have been warned.

Base jumping videos should all be watched in full screen mode to allow yourself to be caught up in the action and the thrill of the moment. Once you start the video, be sure to switch to full screen mode right away. NSFW.

Uli you studmuffin, you! You the man, dude! Wow, what a jump! Right through the eye of the needle!

If you, the viewer, got caught up in the action a bit too much and are now experiencing a heart attack, first and foremost, Calm Down! Number two take some of your heart medication. Three dial 9-1-1 in the U.S., 9-9-9 in Great Britain, 1-1-2 in most of Europe or whatever the digits are for a medical emergency in your part of the world.

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Okay, I suppose we did exaggerate the thrill just a bit, but that is what makes it fun. If you want to learn more about our favorite stud in residence, Uli Emanuele, try his Facebook page.

BTW, I challenge you to read and watch the video in the Link below, a Letter Postmarked for Heaven. If you don’t get a lump in your throat after experiencing that, there is something wrong.

Citation:
(1) Base Jumping. Via Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BASE_jumping Retrieved 7/8/2015.

The Shadow – The Deathhouse Rescue 1937

Shadow_Death_From_NowhereThe radio show drama, The Shadow – The Deathhouse Rescue, which premiered on September 26, 1937, starred Orson Welles as Lamont Cranston, better known as The Shadow, and Agnes Moorhead as Margot Lane, Cranston’s constant companion and sidekick. (2)

The 1930s was a time when people needed to escape from reality because of the devastating effects of the Great Depression and the brutal antics Hitler was implementing in Germany and Europe. Escapism was the rule in all of the media including dime novels like The Shadow – Death from Nowhere (1) above left, movies and radio shows like The Shadow.

The Shadow character was described as a man with a genius level intellect who was in peak physical condition. He was a master detective, skilled marksman, martial artist, and a master of disguise and stealth. (2)

In this episode Cranston is tasked with clearing Paul Gordon’s name and rescuing him from his date with the electric chair. Can the Shadow accomplish the near impossible? I’m sure you already know the answer, but it is still fun to listen to him while he does it.

The Shadow always begins with “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows.” Give a listen.

Editor’s note: If this media player is not visible in your browser, make sure that Javascript is enabled. If it is still not visible, please follow this link to listen to the show.

Naturally the good guy always wins. This is escapism after all, and the bad guys winning would be most depressing. The Shadow always ends with “The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay… The Shadow knows!” (2) Thank you, Shadow. I feel better already.

And remind me to order some Blue Coal anthracite for my furnace.

Citations:
(1) “Shadow Death From Nowhere”. Via Wikipedia – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Shadow_Death_From_Nowhere.jpg#/media/File:Shadow_Death_From_Nowhere.jpg Retrieved 6/24/2015.
(2) The Shadow. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shadow. Retrieved 6/24/2015.

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Stephen Colbert Roasts Dick Cheney about Iraq and WMDs

cheney-colbert

The politics in this post is a little stale, but the humor is as fresh as it gets. Master satirist, Stephen Colbert, has taken on former Vice President Dick Cheney over WMDs, Iraq and President Barack Obama with a flair that is trademark Colbert. He does not directly attack Cheney, but instead agrees with Cheney wholeheartedly in such a fashion that the viewer understands that such disagreement is a given.

“Rarely has a US President been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many.”

 Cheney recently criticized President Barack Obama’s Middle East foreign policies, especially the policy on Iraq. As a frequent guest on the talk shows Cheney railed against Obama foreign policies and also wrote a guest editorial for the Wall Street Journal titled “Collapsing Obama Doctrine” in which he recently stated, while referring to Obama’s Iraq policy, “Rarely has a US President been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many.”

To this Stephen Colbert replied, “Yes, rarely…maybe only one other time.”

Please watch similar Colbert repartee in the following video (part 1):

colbert roasts cheney part 1


Because the video hosting sites are so meticulously fussy about copyrights, I have been forced to cut the video into parts just so I could post it. Have a look at part 2.

Perhaps, as Colbert suggested, it is time to raid Cheney’s sac searching for WMDs? How else could the former vice president suggest that the nation and the rest of the world were in agreement that Saddam Hussein was harboring WMDs?

I vividly remember sitting in my living room prior to the 2003 US invasion of Iraq watching former Secretary of State Colin Powell lie to the world about having proof that Saddam possessed WMDs. I remember feeling at the time that Powell was lying and doing it quite poorly. It was without a doubt one of the worst snow jobs I have ever witnessed.

Yet Cheney still apparently believes that the world still swallows his hogwash about WMDs. Why won’t Dick Cheney retire to his home in Wyoming and leave the rest of us alone?

Hasn’t he already done enough damage to the nation?


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Hot Damn Van Damme – video

van_damme

Hot Damme! Look what 53-year-old Jean-Claude Van Damme can do! That is Jean-Claude in the pic above with his legs spread out between two semi-trailer trucks. Performing this “epic split” is a trick Jean-Claude often does in his movies, but generally he does it at ground level. The stunt takes on a much more impressive perspective when performed between the side mirrors of two semis.

Van Damme’s movies are generally not much more than martial arts flicks, which is fine if you like fight films. But Jean-Claude cleverly garners some impressive publicity with this stunt, making me wonder if I should reconsider checking out Mr “Muscles from Brussels” next flick.

Also impressive in the video is the ability of the semi drivers to maintain the necessary distance between the two trucks while driving backward in the stunt. Anyone who has ever driven a truck knows that driving any truck backward like this is no small feat, let alone doing it with an 18 wheeler.

If I were in the market to buy a semi, Volvo would certainly be tops on my list after seeing this stunt, which is undoubtedly just what Volvo wanted when they set up the video.

Racy Pamela Anderson Ad Banned In Britain – Video

Pamela Anderson-blue_eyes2

Remember Pamela Anderson, the gorgeous blonde bombshell who starred as a hot lifeguard in the TV series Baywatch. The former Playboy Playmate of the year is now 46 years old and still riles male hormones into a-churning overtime.

Lovely Pamela recently starred in a TV commercial for crazydomains.com.au in which she displays her still remarkable body clad in tattoos, a bikini and cream cascading down her incredibly supple body parts.

The United Kingdom’s Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has dutifully banned the commercial from Britain’s airwaves claiming the ad contains what it calls offensive content.

“…we considered the ad was likely to cause serious offence to some viewers on the basis that it was sexist and degrading to women,” the ASA ruled.

Naturally, Pamela and her publicist must now be reveling in the subsequent publicity that the ban has created. The ASA has turned an innocuous commercial that would have quickly faded away into a gold mine for Pamela and crazydomains.com.au.

Because the vid is hosted by YouTube, we apologize for any advertising you may be forced to watch in order to view the video:

The old Hollywood axiom, “any publicity is good publicity” obviously still holds true.

Zac Efron Talks Hollywood at ‘New Year’s Eve’ Premiere

Zac Efron
Zac Efron at ‘New Year’s Eve’ Premiere

Zac Efron, the former star of Disney’s series of High School Musical flicks and still a constant tween heartthrob, stood still long enough at the premiere of the movie, New Year’s Eve, to be interviewed by Glamour.com. The Los Angeles premiere of the film took place at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.

The following is a portion of the Zac Efron interview:

Zac is but one of a menagerie of Hollywood’s Who’s Who appearing in the flick including in no particular order, Halle Berry, Robert DeNiro, Jon Bon Jovi, Katherine Heigl, Hillary Swank, Jessica Biel, Ashton Kutchar, Michelle Pfeiffer, Alyssa Milano, Seth Meyers, Sofia Vergara, Lea Michele, Jim Belushi, Sarah Jessica Parker, Josh Duhamel, Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block, Penny Marshall, Ludacris, Hector Elizondo, Ryan Seacrest, Michael Bloomberg, Matthew Broderick, John Lithgow, and many, many others.

New Year’s Eve Trailer, which is hosted by Daily Motion, so it unfortunately includes a 30 second commercial. Sorry, but what can you do?:

Irina Shayk – Sports Illustrated Cover Model – Video

Russian born Irina Shayk is taking over the cover model world with her appearance on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

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Needless to say Irina is breathtaking in a bikini, plus she is a woman who lends a whole new meaning to the often tossed about term “beautiful people.”

We have also managed to provide you short video of this Russian beauty, so have a look:

We have to cut Irina some slack since English is a second language for her. Because of that she does not describe her emotions for being chosen the SI cover model as being thrilled, or overjoyed or even excited. Instead she is “super happy.”

She even describes her mother as being “super happy.” We will not begrudge this Russian lass for her lack of English vocabulary because, after all she is “super beautiful,” and how can anyone begrudge this girl anything?

 

    Rehab Bound Ted Williams Mug Shots

    Media sensation Ted Williams, the velvet voiced radio announcer who was recently rediscovered panhandling for spare change on the streets of Columbus, Ohio, appears to have acquired quite a lengthy rap sheet and a healthy number of mug shots to accompany it.

    Williams’ mug shots were recently released by Ohio authorities, and it is a bit of a shock to see how many times the silver tongued spokesman has been photographed by police.

    Police released no less than 12 mug shots of the silky throated wonder.

    Thesmokinggun.com has also found a simple police complaint from July, 2010, that resulted in a trespassing charge against Williams. Here is the police report of that incident:

    It is rather surprising that this is all TheSmokingGun could come up with considering Williams arrest record. A hardened criminal he is not.

    In the meantime Dr Phil has convinced Ted to enter a rehab facility for his alcohol and drug addiction. It appears that Ted has not really been clean for two years like he told America in his first viral video interview with the Columbus Dispatch.

    “If Ted is ever going to get better, he’s got to be honest with himself and admit he’s addicted to drugs and alcohol,” Dr. Phil said. “I’ve told him it’s not going to be easy and it’s going to take a lot of hard work. It might be a long journey for him, but this is a big step in the right direction.”

    Ted appeared several times on Dr. Phil’s TV show this week. Neither Dr. Phil nor a spokesman would tell where Ted will undergo rehab therapy.

    The Cleveland Cavaliers NBA basketball team has agreed to stand by Ted, so his job offer with them remains open after Ted has finished Rehab. EOnLine.com reported that Tad Carper, spokesman for the Cavaliers, was quoted, “The Cavaliers, Quicken Loans and our entire family of companies wish Ted Williams and his family the best as they continue their unique journey.”

    Homeless Golden Voiced Radio Announcer Ted Williams Strikes Gold

    Homeless radio announcer with a voice of gold, Ted Williams, was recently rediscovered begging for money on the streets of Columbus, Ohio, but the Internet sensation has literally struck gold since his video on YouTube and the Columbus Dispatch.com went viral.

    53-year-old Ted Williams was a panhandler one day who was under the influence of alcohol and drugs until two years ago, when he got sober. He was also “a sporadic resident of a camp behind an abandoned Hudson Street gas station” in Columbus.

    But since Doral Chenoweth III, the videographer for the Columbus Dispatch made the video below of the golden throat announcer offering a sample of his voice on the street in exchange for small change, Williams’ fortune has risen immeasurably and has almost no limits.

    Chenoweth discovered Williams begging on the streets of Columbus and recorded the following video which is embedded from dispatch.com.

    Williams has been offered more jobs than he can field, and he has already accepted an offer from Kraft Macaroni and Cheese as their spokesman. He is being paid $10,000 for performing voice-overs on four commercials.

    His first commercial is already on the Internet, and like his original video, this one has gone viral. Check it out below:

    Ted also has offers from the NFL and the Cleveland Cavaliers NBA basketball team. The Cav’s want Ted to be their official voice, and in addition to a salary, they are offering him the house that Lebron James used to live in.

    Our third vid is NBC’s report on Ted’s good fortune:

     

    Mel Gibson Smashes Car, in Trouble Again

    Actor, director and movie producer Mel Gibson smashed his 2008 Maserati into a Malibu hillside on Sunday evening, landing the celebrity in hot water with the police and the media again.

    Mel has had nothing but negative publicity the last few weeks over his child custody battle with ex-girl friend Oksana Grigorieva, and this fender bender will not help his image any.

    Strangely enough the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) states that Gibson was not under the influence at the time of the accident, a fact that astounds virtually anyone who has recently followed Gibson’s exploits in the news.

    “He doesn’t know how his car drifted,” said CHiPs Officer Miguel Luevano. Despite the fact that his car had to be towed from the scene, Gibson was uninjured.

    In a 2006 arrest for a DUI Gibson launched an oral diatribe against the arresting officer that included anti-semitic remarks. Gibson is currently under investigation by the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department for domesitc violence.

    Video of Lars Vilks Assault by Radical Muslim Jihadists

    Lars Vilks, the Swedish artist-cartoonist who depicted Islam’s Prophet Mohammad as a dog in a caricature in 2007, was attacked in a classroom in Uppsala, Sweden, Tuesday, while giving a lecture regarding his experiences with censorship.

    Vilks has been under a fatwa issued by Al Qaeda Muslim extremists offering a $100,000 reward to anyone who murders him. It appears that yesterday’s assailant initially head butted Vilks, but was then quickly subdued by Swedish policemen before he could inflict more damage.

    The lecture was being filmed by a Swedish TV station, but the cameraman missed filming the actual assault because he had directed his camera toward a screening of a film that Vilks was discussing. Once the assault had begun and by the time the camera was again pointed in Vilks’ direction, he was already on the floor.

    Toward the end of the video, a second assailant moving into camera range from the left is seen taking a swing apparently at a policeman. That man is immediately tackled by three policemen and arrested. The second assailant’s efforts at assault were utterly anemic as his listless attempt to strike the cop looked as if he had flunked fighting on the school playground when he was a lad.

    The lecture hall was filled with shouts of “Allahu Akbar” (God is Great), and many of them came from apparently Muslim women in the back of the hall. It was also the cry of the first assailant as he attacked Vilks.

    Vilks’ glasses were broken in the altercation, but it has been reported he was not seriously injured. “This was the first time I’ve experienced a physical assault,” Vilks said. “It was a bit of a shock.”

    Vilks has taken the fatwa on his life seriously, having installed a panic room and booby traps in his home, along with acquiring a specially trained guard dog he has named “Mohammed.”

    After Tuesday’s assault Vilks remains adamant that he will not give in to the threats from the Muslim extremists. “What you get is a mob deciding what can be discussed at the university. I’m ready to go up again,” he said, meaning he would be agreeable to rescheduling the speech. “This must be carried through. You cannot allow it to be stopped.”

    Vilks notorious cartoon of Mohammad was dubbed “Modoggie,” and numerous variations of it can be viewed at The Christian News Wire. The cartoon would be considered insulting by nearly any religion, so you cannot blame Muslims for their anger. However, most of us limit our rage and do not push it to the point of issuing a fatwa.

    * Fatal Police Shoot Out Caught on Dashcam
    * Woman Caught Poisoning Supermarket Baby Food
    * Gang of Kids Caught Roasting Live Puppies
    * Giant Mountain Rock Slide Caught on Video
    * US Marine Throws Puppy Off Cliff

    Citations

    1) “Fatwa Headbutt: Swedish “Roundabout Dog” Mohammed cartoonist Lars Vilks attacked.” http://pajamasmedia.com/zombie/2010/05/11/fatwa-headbutt-swedish-roundabout-dog-mohammed-cartoonist-lars-vilks-attacked/. Zombie. Retrieved 5/12/2010.

    2) “Lars Vilks attacked at Swedish University May 11 2010.” Video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fg8KRTXDRU&feature=player_embedded. YouTube. Retrieved 5/12/2010.

    3) “Lars Vilks attack Aftonbladet with English titles.” Video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfW95sSaVVo&feature=related. YouTube. Retrieved 5/12/2010.

    4) “‘Muhammad cartoonist’ Lars Vilks undaunted after new attack [UPDATED].” http://voices.washingtonpost.com/comic-riffs/2010/05/muhammad_cartoonist_lars_vilks.html.The Washington Post. Retrieved 5/12/2010.

    5) “Lars Vilks: Swedish Cartoonist Attacked by Muslims Won’t Back Down.” http://www.rightpundits.com/?p=6222.RightPundits.com. Retrieved 5/12/2010

    6) “‘Modoggie’ Cartoon Published by Swedish Artist Lars Vilks.” http://www.christiannewswire.com/news/912904201.html. Christian News Wire. Retrieved 5/12/2010

    Celebrities Without Makeup

    We haven’t embarrassed any celebrities lately, so perhaps it is time we perplexed a few by showing you what some of them really look like sans makeup. The science or art of adding makeup to a face appears to have come a long way in the last few years, at least considering some of the differences in the before and after photos that we have gathered here.

    Let’s take a look (hover your mouse over the photo to pause the array):

    One would have to say that there are some real shockers here, such as Sharon Stone and Goldie Hawn. Now those two have aged a bit lately, but Sharon and Goldie really attest to the wonders of what modern makeup can do for a woman’s looks.

    We remember one post we had from a while back about how nearly anyone could become a supermodel because makeup is now able to hide a plethora of flaws in a model’s skin. That post featured a video of exactly how a makeup artist transforms a relatively attractive model into one who appears very glamorous and remarkably beautiful.

    The post is at Redneck Super Models. Check it out.

    Back at our slideshow, Actress Rene Zellweger’s before and after photos are another example that is a bit surprising, and how about Pamela Anderson? You would probably not recognize her before photo at first glance.

    Pamela was first discovered when she was quite young at a sporting event, when a cameraman put her on the Jumbotron screen because she looked so pretty. In fact when the audience saw her on the screen they went wild because she looked so good.

    Like anyone else the years have taken their toll on Pamela’s good looks, but she jumps right into the fountain of youth when the right makeup artist plies his or her trade, taking off the years and transforming Pamela into a great beauty once again.

    Jerry Hall once was a supermodel and is the former wife of Mick Jaggar of the Rolling Stones. Without her makeup one would never guess that is the face of a supermodel.

    And how about Jessica Simpson? Wow! That one really surprised us. Without her makeup she looks like an Okie from Oskogie. Plus she is only 30 years old, so she still has youth on her side. Despite all of that her no makeup photo makes her look like any other WalMart shopper.

    Kate Hudson sure has her work cut out for her, trying to pass for a movie star. Without makeup she would not have a chance of making it on the big screen.

    It is a good thing the rest of us do not have to depend on our looks to get us by. What a challenge that would be.

    Mary Travers – Not Your Average Folk Singer

    Mary Travers, singer, songwriter and unforgettable member of the folk singing group, Peter, Paul and Mary, died a few days ago on September 16, 2009 at the age of 72. Peter, Paul and Mary made their presence known on the international stage at a time when songs often carried a message along with a tune, and Mary and her cohorts, Peter Yarrow and Paul Stookey’s, songs carried more messages than most.

    In the 1950s and the 1960s patriotism had not been hubristically claimed as the exclusionary property of any political party or philosophy, so the spirit of patriotism was shared by all Americans and hogged by none.

    In that same spirit we present Peter, Paul and Mary singing “This Land is Your Landand performed live in Japan, no less:

    ***

    Mary Travers understood that music and song did not work if they were not fun, so she and the group also popularized songs that had no real message but were most definitely fun. Some were thought to be children’s songs, but adults loved them every bit as much as the kids did.

    Here are Peter, Paul and Mary singing “Puff the Magic Dragon:”

    In one concert I attended the group jokingly ridiculed the concept that “Puff” was a veiled reference to marijuana because music critics had been attempting to draw parallels between the lyrics and drug use. Puff was merely a fun children’s song and nothing more.

    ***
    Vanessa Hudgens
    Britney Spears
    Celtic Woman Videos

    Citations

    1) Mary Travers (singer), http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Travers_(singer); Wikipedia. Retrieved 9/20/2009

    That Man Ain’t No Marlon Brando – Beware the Penguins!

    Friends, I am here today to warn you of an impending disaster that is of such a perilous nature that no similar calamity has ever before seen the light of day. I am talking about a man-made catastrophe so dire and so dastardly that I shudder even to think of the pernicious consequences should this misdeed ever come to pass.


    Folks, if you please, cast your gaze upon the first photograph in today’s post. Compare that, please, to the second photo. At first glance you might be fooled into thinking that the two photos are one and the same.


    The photos are allegedly taken from a scene in the movie, The Godfather. In the background, you will notice one Sonny Corleone, played by actor James Caan. To the left is Bonasera, played by Salvatore Corsitto. To the right is supposed to be Vito Corleone, played by the great Marlon Brando.

    However, the man in the first photo is no Marlon Brando!

    Our third photo is a very short video of the same exact scene in the movie. Notice how the godfather’s gestures are the same classic moves that you see throughout the movie. That is Marlon Brando in the short film clip; of that, there is no doubt.

    The Godfather

    The man masquerading as Marlon Brando in the first photo is, in reality, a penguin! This woeful bird has infiltrated the ranks of Hollywood’s famous actors. And he is not alone.

    Peruse, if you will, the fourth photograph and you will find one Penguin from the movie, Batman Returns. The Penguin in this film is played by actor Danny DeVito. Did you catch the similarity in names? Danny DeVito and Vito Corleone? That similarity is no coincidence.

    Now compare the next photo, which juxtaposes the profiles of the Penguin from Batman Returns and the imposter Marlon Brando in the first photo. Notice the similarities?

    Clearly, the actor in the first photo is also a penguin.

    Ladies and gentlemen, the penguins are infiltrating the Hollywood movie industry at an alarming rate.

    But, why you ask. Why would the penguins want to sneak into the film industry? What could be their motive?

    To learn the answer to that, you must watch the short video. This video is a previously unreleased film taken from one of the United States’ secret spy satellites that fly high overhead, constantly circling the globe. These satellites are America’s watch dogs in the sky, and until now, this film has been classified “Top Secret.”.

    The US Department of Homeland Security has declassified and released this short film to warn the American public of an imminent threat against our way of life. Please watch the short video now.

    The video exposes an enormous gathering of Antarctic penguins in a joyous celebration of some sort. Now that you have seen the video, you know. The penguins are really Al Qaeda in disguise.

    Al Qaeda has infiltrated the penguins, who have in turn penetrated the movie industry. The motive is obvious. Al Qaeda wants to steal the minds of America’s children by saturating the film industry with their saboteurs.

    They have chosen penguins because penguins are so cute.

    But, the last photo shows the true character of Al Qaeda in action. Clearly, their character is so anti-social that they must constantly fight–even among themselves, if that is the only adversary that they have to fight.

    Redneck Penguins

    In the same manner that Al Qaeda steals the minds of Islamic youth throughout the madrasas of the Middle East in hopes of turning innocent children into suicide bombers, Al Qaeda now intends to brainwash America’s children.

    By surreptitiously embedding their fanatical beliefs into the minds of America’s children through films, Al Qaeda aspires to turn our own children against us.

    Al Qaeda believes that they can eventually take over America by stealing the minds of our youth at an early age. It is a menacing plot of the most drastic proportions.

    We must stop this potentially devastating plan by protecting our children at all costs.

    My friends, the time for action has come. We must not pause, and we must not falter because the fate of our children hangs in the balance.

    Praise the Lord, pass the ammunition and beware of the penguins!

    A Raft of Irish Drinking Stories, Blessings and Proverbs

    It is our pleasure to present a raft of Irish drinking stories, Irish Blessings and Irish Proverbs. One of the special enjoyments of indulging in these Irish treasures is the absence of any hangover the morning after.

    Doctor O’Dwyer, an Irish psychiatrist working at a New York mental asylum, planned to take some of his more well-adjusted patients to a New York Yankees baseball game. So, for a few weeks in advance, he coached them on their behavior and how they should respond to his commands while attending the game.

    Once game day arrived, his patients appeared to be responding well to his orders. The national anthem began playing and the good doctor ordered, “Up Nuts,” and his patients all promptly stood up.

    When the anthem had finished, he yelled, “Down Nuts,” and all of the patients immediately sat back down.

    The home team hit a home run, so Doctor O’Dwyer yelled, “Cheer Nuts.” The patients obediently applauded and cheered.

    Then the umpire made a close call against Derek Jeter, a Yankees star player. So the doctor yelled, “Boo Nuts!” and his patients began booing.

    The doctor was very pleased about how well things were going, so he decided to go to the men’s room leaving his medical assistant in charge.

    But upon returning, the doctor found a riot, and his patients were in fist fights with the nearby fans. The doctor pushed his way through the fighters, found his assistant and asked, “Good Lord, man! What on earth happened?”

    His assistant replied, “Everything was going just fine until a vendor walked by and yelled, “Peanuts!”

    *****

    An Irish blessing by E. Gary Brooks, a remarkable poet:

    Take me home to Shamrock Hill
    The glorious place of my birth
    Where the glens are green and the heather grows,
    ‘Tis the prettiest place on earth.
    The wind blows free and the air is fresh
    And I still hear a rippling rill.
    My heart is sad, but it could be glad.
    Take me home to Shamrock Hill.

    *****

    A true Irishman can argue either side of a question, often at the same time.

    *****

    Paddy Harrington and Mick O’Shea were strolling home after a night of Guinness when a severed head suddenly rolled along the ground landing right at their feet.

    Mick picked up the head and held it up to his face saying to Paddy, “Saints preserve us Paddy! But, doesn’t that look like Sean to you.”

    Paddy replied, “No Mick, Sean was taller than that, he was.”

    *****

    May joy and peace surround you,
    Contentment latch your door,
    And happiness be with you now
    And bless you evermore.

    *****

    It was teacher appreciation day at Saint Mary’s school in County Cork, and Miss O’Hara, a kindergarten teacher sat at her desk receiving gifts from her students.

    Tommy Flanagan, the florist’s son, handed her his present. Miss O’Hara shook it and held it above her head saying, “I’ll bet I know what this is. It’s Flowers.”

    “That’s right!” Tommy said. “How did you know?”

    “It was just a wild guess,” said Miss O‘Hara.

    Molly Kane, the candy store owner’s daughter, brought up her present next. Miss O’Hara held the gift aloft, shook it a bit and said, “I know what this is. It‘s a box of candy!”

    “Wow! That’s right, Miss O‘Hara! But how did you know?” asked Molly.

    “Just a lucky guess, Molly” Miss O’Hara said.

    Next was Billy Kelly, the liquor store owner’s son. Billy presented a large box to Miss O’Hara, who, again, held the gift high over her head.

    This gift was leaking, so Miss O’Hara dabbed a drop of the leakage on her finger and tasted it. “Is it wine?” she asked.

    “No, Miss O’Hara,” Billy replied.

    The teacher tasted another drop of the leakage with her tongue. “Perhaps it’s champagne?” she asked.

    “No, Miss O‘Hara,” Billy again replied, smiling because the teacher could not guess his present.

    Then Miss O’Hara said, “I give up, Billy. What is it?”

    Billy answered, “It’s a puppy!”

    *****

    May you be half an hour in Heaven Before the Devil knows you’re dead.

    *****

    And Have you forgotten that U2 is from Ireland? Now there is an accomplished band. Here is Beautiful Day by U2.

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    More of the Funniest Elliot Spitzer Jokes – Videos – Cartoons

    It’s more of the best of the Elliot Spitzer jokes. In case you live on Jupiter, Elliot Spitzer was the governor of New York until he was recently caught in an FBI prostitution sting.

    Our only problem is that there are so many good jokes to choose from. We consider that a challenge, so here are a few more Elliot Spitzer gems.

    Aah! The Pretty Woman! A less than classic tale of a prostitute and a money monger with hearts of gold, which is a highly unlikely scenario. As I recall, Richard Gere and Julia Roberts live happily ever after in the movie, which, unfortunately for our Mr. Spitzer, is less than likely.

    *****

    This from Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert:

    “I sat next to the guy three times and I didn’t pick up on any of this, and I usually have excellent whore-dar.”

    *****

    From Comedy Central’s the Daily Show:

    *****

    There is so much truth to this cartoon. How many jokes do you hear about OJ Simpson or Paris Hilton right now? Not too many. Elliot Spitzer will fade into obscurity just like so many others once a new public patsy comes along.

    *****

    And you cannot have a proper representation of humor without the remarkably funny David Letterman. Here is a video of one of his recent monologues about the Elliot Spitzer affair:

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