This is an updating of a post previously published 7/16/2011.
Ah, mein herr! Remember all of those infomercials you have seen on late night and weekend TV coaxing you to buy this or that device to tone up your body? The ab this or that or the thigh buster, master or whatever?
Well, forget them all because The Goose Step Master has arrived on the scene just in the nick of time to help you hone your body so you can become the perfect you.
“As Seen in the War!”
Ever watch videos of World War II to see the German or Russian soldiers goose step down the promenade?
Eine, Zwei, Drei, Vier!—One, Two, Three, Four!
You must be in good shape to keep up with those Nazi soldiers or their Russian counterparts as they flawlessly goose step down the avenue. You won’t see any slackers doing the goose step, that’s for sure. Naturally you neither admire nor share the Nazi philosophy, but you certainly must respect the German soldiers’ physical ability to goose step down the promenade with nary a misstep.
You must be in excellent physical shape to march so vigorously for long uninterrupted periods.
“Be as Fit as the Nazi SS”
Now you can be as fit as the dreaded Nazi Waffen SS soldiers with our patented Goose Step Master. Order our Goose Step Master now and we will include a free workout video showing how those Nasty Nazis learned to master the goose step.
The Germans may not have won the war, but they certainly were losers who were in the best of shape. Perhaps they’ll do better in World War III?
Yes! You can get as fit as the Luftwaffe in the privacy of your own home. For a limited time, if you are one of the first 3.9 million to order, you will also receive a CD of the inspirational “Luftwaffe March.” If ever there was a song to go off to war to, it was the “Luftwaffe March.”
Our double action, calorie bursting, thigh thinning Goose Step Master can be used in the tranquil quietude of your own peaceful abode. No more noisy athletic clubs with exorbitant monthly fees for you. No more hurrying to the gym after work. Use the butt busting Goose Step Master whenever and whereever you want.
Click the play button on the following podcast to listen to the inspirational Luftwaffe March as you read more about our Goosestep Master.
Free autographed photo of Sergeant Schultz
Now, for only the first 15.6 million responses, we will include a free autographed photo of the notorious but lovable Sergeant Schultz, as seen on the popular Hogan’s Heroes TV show.
“I know nothing!”
Sergeant Schultz was one of the most popular Nazis of all time, either before or after the war.
Have you ever noticed that Schultz’s initials were S.S. (Sergeant Schultz) as in Nazi Waffen SS? Coincidence? We don’t think so.
If you order our patented Goosestep Master now without delay you won’t pay
$599…you won’t pay $399. Order right now and the patented Goosestep Master is yours for only 99 weekly payments of just $17.99, plus a modest shipping and handling fee of $99.98.
You will also receive at no extra cost to you our very own Goosestep Master workout video, which displays workout secrets of Nazi Stormtroopers among many others. Don’t forget that we will also include a CD of the inspirational “Luftwaffe March” for the first 3.9 million orders received.
If that isn’t enough remember that the first 15.6 million responses will also receive signed photos of the affable Sergeant Schultz from the Hogan’s Heroes TV series at no extra cost to you. That means it’s free ladies and gents.
Order now…order today…order quickly without delay…and we will send you our patented Goosestep Master via overnight delivery for a mere additional special handling fee of $49.99. That means you could be working out on you very own patented Goosestep Master in the quiet confines of your own home by this time tomorrow.
Now is the time to avoid buyer’s remorse before all of our 98 million patented Goosestep Masters are sold, so hurry and order today to prevent possible future disappointment!
Special One Time Offer!
Because we still have a few Goose Step Masters remaining in stock (specifically 97,999,998 of ’em as of January, 2014) we are now offering three Goose Step Masters for the price of two. That’s right ladies and gents, buy two Goose Step Masters for the regular price and get a third Goose Step Master FREE!
Wow! Be sure to order as soon as possible before the rest of our 97.999 million Goose Step Masters are gone. Order yours today!
Offer is void in Pierre, South Dakota, or wherever sales of Nazi memorabilia is prohibited.