This photo tells you all you need to know about my feelings about bullies. Kick the crap out of them. It’s that simple.
Here lies a passel of Redneck graffiti for your perusal and intellectual edification. It seems that certain redneck types have scrawled their opinions and diatribes on vacant building walls merely to express themselves for your cerebral enlightenment. Lucky you.
I cannot imagine why Osama bin Laden would ever hate country music. I mean, Shania Twain…Carrie Underwood…Hello!? Need I say more? That is probably as good of a reason to join the Marines as any, but perhaps Joe Bob doesn’t know Osama is no longer with us. If so, he may be slightly annoyed once he learns the truth.
So it seems that Bubba is a patron of the “Midnight Golf Supply.” Guess a fella has to save nickels and dimes wherever he can. But isn’t that red stripe around your ball a mite embarrassing once you are back in the clubhouse?
I can understand Joe Bob loading up on fresh “toys” when he visits the dump. One man’s trash IS another man’s treasure, after all.
And Billy Ray’s sis and stepmom being one and the same person is no fault of Billy Ray. Since when can we control who Daddy marries? Daddy always did have a mind of his own.
Billy Bob meeting girls at family reunions just makes a whole lot of sense. Why not keep it all in the family?
Joe Bob’s sister really isn’t that trashy. Lots of girls wear a see thru blouse at their Momma’s funeral.
As for Bubba disappearing with his double wide to avert foreclosure, my understanding is that his bank hid a Lojack device on the trailer in the event of just such an occurrence. Sorry Bubba.
There was no chance of the fire in Billy Bob’s bathroom spreading to the house. Billy Bob deliberately placed his outhouse a ways off to avoid any odor issues wafting toward the house. That’s planning ahead Billy Bob.
And Jim Bob buying sushi at the bait shop just plain makes sense. A fella just has to save money when he can. Besides the bait shop has a recipe for pickled minnows that is just special.
Airplane or no airplane, Betty Lu has always been particular about her doo. Can’t see that changing any time soon.
Crack and plumber’s butt are just plain embarrassing. If you got it all hangin’ out on the backside, you ain’t no self respecting redneck. That is fer shur.
A baby and puppy that are so cute together it just cannot be legal. The baby’s name is Eisleigh and the puppy is known as Clyde. Together they give a whole new meaning to the term cuteness.
Their video has gone viral on YouTube, on AOL and all over the rest of the world. Somehow these two just naturally know how to pose for the camera.
And yes, the puppy is a pitbull. Let’s hope this pup keeps its gentle disposition on through to adulthood.
Can these two possibly be any cuter? I just don’t think that’s possible.
This ad practically grabbed me by my shirt collar when I first stumbled across it. “Learn German while you’re drunk!” What a unique idea!
A concept like this will change lives! Plus it is right up my alley because I am Irish after all. Everyone knows that the Irish possess an inveterate propensity for drinking to excess.
“Have you always wanted to learn another language but been too drunk to bother?” Well…Duh! Ja wohl mein herr. Why else would I be monolingual after all these years? It certainly wasn’t by choice. Being bilingual is almost mandatory to make it in the world today. I truly feel left out in my current condition.
“…absorb large amounts of new information quickly…by directly accessing your DRUNKEN MIND.” Finally, my drunken mind becomes an asset rather than a liability.
Eins, Zwei, Drei. One, two, three. “Du Kannst Deutsch speaken!” You can speaken German! It’s really that easy–as easy as one, two, three.
I have often longed to access my drunken mind to learn where I left my car keys, for example, where I left my car or even where and why I left my girl friend. So far my drunken mind has refused to cooperate, and my girl friend will be so mad.
Now this ad promises that I will be able to access my drunken mind to learn to speak German. Oh mein Gott im Himmel. If this is really true, it will truly change things for many of us including college students. Move over Harvard and Yale because the party colleges are movin’ on up.
The University of Georgia at Athens, Penn State and the University of Florida, which have been the nation’s top party colleges will become the new college meccas for both academic standings as well as the top party schools. Kids drink at all colleges, but it is well-known that party schools start bingeing on Thursday night and generally drink until Monday morning. Think of all the time when your drunken mind will be sopping up all that knowledge while you party non-stop.
Being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) will become a badge of honor because AA members will soon be intellectuals as well. If your dad owns a liquor store, you will be Mr. Popularity in high school. The pecking order will change world-wide, and three martini lunches will become the norm.
I never thought I would live to see this day. Now if we could only do something about the hangover.
This is worse than the lines at the ballpark.
Yeah…we all know exactly how you feel kid.
This is not a problem…mine’s…um…mine’s…the blue one…
I don’t know how I know, but somehow I can tell that the person who wrote this sign is not telling the truth. Maybe I am psychic!
Not sure where this grave is or even if it’s authentic, but it does make one stop and think. I originally found this photo at A Gay Vet’s Grave, but later I also found it at several other sites also. None of them attribute who the photographer is or where the grave is located.
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These just might be my favorite pair of bluejeans, and I don’t ever get to wear them.
I wish I could give the author proper credit, but I found four web sites that posted this cartoon, none of which named the author. For now, the author is unknown.
This giant cow maze appeared in a farm field in Marienfelde, which is in Germany, a tad Southwest of Berlin. However, this is one time when we know it was not UFOs that were carving up the landscape.
The maze is the work of Germany’s Federal Institute of Risk Assessment, which is a government agency dedicated to examining the dangers posed by products in everyday life. The purpose of carving such a complex labyrinth into a corn field was to raise public awareness of the advantages of eating healthy foods and of the potential dangers of harmful substances found in food. Plus they also wanted to explain the digestion process that occurs in a cow’s stomach.
One must assume that a successful trip from the cow’s mouth through the stomach and digestive tract would educate you on how food travels through a bovine’s digestive system. What a way to learn!
However, if memory serves from elementary school science class, don’t cows have four stomachs or compartments within their stomach? Perhaps one must actually walk the labyrinth set up by the Institute to understand it all?
More Animal Humor
Try Animal Videos
Redneck Playground or Your Kid is Elephant Poopy
Smartest Monkey on Earth – Video
Does This Dog Belong to Jesus?
Worst Job Ever
Safety is of paramount importance when designing anything children will use. There can be no parts that will pinch tiny fingers; in no way can any of the equipment or parts of the equipment tip over; and harmful substances such as lead paint or or any parts small enough to swallow simply are not allowed.
But our redneck playground designer must have skipped school the day his professor discussed appropriateness of theme, because something is wrong when your kids return home from the playground crying and telling you the other kids teased them and called them elephant poopy.
“Peter, Peter is elephant poopy. Emily smells like elephant poop. Nah-nah nah nah-nah!”
I don’t know about you but hearing that my kids are being compared to elephant poop worries me that it may create an identity crisis in the four-year-old mind. That sort of nick name may tend to linger longer than one might like not unlike the odor of pachyderm poop.
“…I don’t smell like elephant poopy, do I Daddy?”
One must reassure four-year-olds about enough other things in life without having to add elephant poopy to the list.
“Peter, the sky is blue because God painted it that color when he had left over paint from painting his living room. And no you do not smell like elephant poopy. Your mom makes you take lots of baths so you will only smell like a clean little boy.”
Perhaps an elephant slide such as this one is not an issue in the Redneck mind because four-year-old Redneck little boys sometimes do smell like elephant poopy.
Obviously this dog can walk on water, so if Jesus had a dog, this dog would be His. But this dog is a bit shy about getting his feet wet, so the water must be on the cold side. Hey pup! If you are going to hang out with the Big Guy, you have to learn to suck it up.
Photo provided by TheSun.co.uk
This absolutely, positively has to be the worst job ever, bar none. You could not pay me enough to do this for a living. Sorry all you veterinarians, but this is where I draw the line.
Can’t you see the circus manager saying, “Hey, Johnny! Call the vet! Big Bertha’s compacted again. Can’t get that girl to eat enough roughage, no matter what I do.”
What does this vet say to people when he is first introduced to them? “How do you do? I’m John Smith….What type of work do I do? I’m an elephant veterinarian. I specialize in compacted elephants. Have enema will travel is my motto.”
The second worst job in the world is the guy holding Bertha’s tail.
His big mistake is he is not dressed for the job. What happens when the enema takes effect and Bertha let’s her rip. The guy holding the tail is in the direct line of fire, and he is not protected with plastic like the vet is.
I am so much more appreciative of having a desk job now than ever before. I understand the dedication of animal lovers, but, this has to take the cake.
Notice how the guy holding the tail intently peers at what the vet is doing. He probably aspires to be a vet some day himself. If this does not turn him off from the vet business, nothing will.
I guess there is nothing like on the job training.
“9-1-1 operator! What is your Emergency?”
‘Yes, My name is Steve, and I want to report dragon.”
“A Dragon?”
“Yes, ma’am. Dragon. Blue fire-breathing dragon. I just saw it over on Main Street, not 5 minutes ago. It was breathing fire all over place.”
“Sir, this is 9-1-1 Emergency, and it is illegal to call 9-1-1 with prankster calls…”
“This is no prankster, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. This is Steve! My American name is Steve. I am studying to become US citizen, and I am not calling about prankster. I am from India. My Indian name is Pratepp Patel, but I like to use my American name. My American name is Steve.”
“I am telling you, 9-1-1 Emergency operator! I saw real, live, dragon…that was breathing fire. It was over on Main Street…right in middle of street. It was long and shiny, and it was blue!”
“Well, Steve. We’re right smack dab in the middle of Arkansas, and do you know what? We don’t have any dat-burn dragons here in Arkansas. Fact of the matter is, I don’t believe that there are any dragons on planet earth. Now we are very busy still working on the flooded areas, so a dragon call just is not high on our priority list. So what planet are you from anyway…Steve?”
“Oh, yes! 9-1-1 Emergency operator! There are dragons. They have dragons in Indonesia. Komodo dragons. But they are only 8-9 feet long and they don’t breathe fire. And I know the floods are a problem. I am calling from 4th Street. It’s still under water over here.”
“Kimono dragons? Now that sounds Japanese, Steve. And, 8-9 feet long! Steve, how big was that dragon that you say you saw?”
“It was at least 20 feet long. Maybe 25 feet. It was huge and blue and shiny. And it was breathing fire…I think.”
“You think! Well now, see here Steve! Was it breathing fire or was it not breathing fire?
“Fire was coming out of it, but I couldn’t tell which end was front. It might have fire coming out of butt.”
“Okay, Steve! If you’re sure that they have kimono dragons in Indonesia, maybe some tourist brought a pet back and it grew a mite. I’ll write it up. Let’s see…25 foot long, shiny blue dragon breathing fire out of butt…er, its butt…over on Main Street. Is that about right, Steve?”
“Yes, 9-1-1 Emergency operator. That’s right! Big blue dragon breathing fire out of butt. That’s it.”
“Okay, Steve. We’ll send a patrol car over your way. Now, Y’all keep an eye peeled and let us know if it moves anywhere else.”
“Dispatch, This is car 54. Warrant and wants on plate hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra.”
“Car 54, this is dispatch. Warrant and wants on hotel, eighter, tango, alpha, india, lima, golf, eighter, romeo, sierra negative. Prior moving violations: May, 2008 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. November, 2007 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle. February, 2007 – spraying ignited flammable substance on another vehicle.”
“Car 5-4, it sounds like you have apprehended our feared Japanese kimono dragon. Over.”
“Roger that, dispatch. We witnessed said dragon spewing dangerous flammable liquid all over a 2006 Lexus SUV. That definitely riled up the SUV owner who took after our dragon owner with a revolver. We’re going to need back up, a wagon for the apprehended offenders and tow trucks to remove said dragon and burnt Lexus.”
“Dispatch, it seems that our dragon driver is a retired fireman who gets a mite riled when other drivers tailgate him. That’s why he rigged his vehicle to breathe fire on offending vehicles. Over.”
“Car 5-4. The citizens of Arkansas can rest easy now that our dreaded kimono dragon has been apprehended. Back up and wagon on the way 5-4. Over.”
“Roger that, Dispatch. Over and out.”
Dragon with the Fire-breathing Butt follows:
There you have it. A dangerous kimono dragon has been removed from the streets. Thus the avenues and boulevards of Arkansas are safe once again. But who knows what other evil lurks in the minds of rednecks everywhere? Beware!
McCafferty Himself 
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